THEGAYUK

Author: Agony Uncle

  • DILEMMA | I want to dress up as a woman when I have sex. Am I normal?

    DILEMMA | I want to dress up as a woman when I have sex. Am I normal?

    A reader asks our agony uncle whether he’s normal for wanting to dress up in women’s clothing when he has sex.

    Dear Uncle

    I’m a man who likes the idea of dressing up in women’s clothes during sex. I’m not trans and I’m happy with my body, but the idea of wearing feminine clothes whilst having sex with another guy a turn on. Do you have any advice on cross-dressing for fun? Is it normal?

    Mike, 28

    Dear Mike,

    The question isn’t really whether it’s normal – if it’s what you want to do and you’re with someone else who’s digging it then who gives a flying monkey if it’s “normal”?

    There are plenty of guys out there who want to crossdress and there’s also plenty of guys out there who are into that as well – you’re not alone.

    Get an online profile

    First off set up a profile on your hook up app/website of choice setting out your preferences and the parameters of what you’re looking for. Are you just looking for NSA sex or are you wanting a relationship?

    Are you looking for guys to only see you in your feminine attire or do you want people to know you as a whole?

    Maybe add a photo and some details about what you’re looking for and offering.

    I would say that it’s best to let people know what you’re into first rather than spring it on them after a number of dates.

    Just like any pre-meet chat, it’s pretty typical and good to be kept informed on what they want and expect and, of course, visa versa. Dropping into the conversation that you want to try cross-dressing will mean that others can decide whether they’re into it as well, that way they’ll be no crossed wires.

    Be sure to check out our Hook Up and Dating App safety article.

    Another suggestion is the dating site https://tvchix.com/ , which welcomes, “all TV’s, CD’s, TG’s, admirers, their partners and friends”

    Real-world experience

    You could also check your local gay sauna to see if they have any cross-dressing or trans / CD nights where you can dress up however you want. Some venues offer this service so it’s worth checking them out.

    And then, of course, you could also seek the services of a professional. Sir Dave, one of the UK’s foremost Fetish specialists told us, “Over the years I have had many clients with an interest in cross-dressing visit me. Many have never dressed in front of anyone before and it is so important to me that they feel comfortable and respected and given a safe space in which to explore their interests and fetishes. Cross-dressing is done for so many different reasons, some times just to explore the feeling.

    “Whatever their reason for it, I provide a safe, discreet space for them to enjoy and build their confidence.”

    Have you got a dilemma you want to share? Click here and let us know what’s going on with you.

  • DILEMMA | My penis isn’t very big, can I make it bigger?

    DILEMMA | My penis isn’t very big, can I make it bigger?

    How can I make my penis bigger

    A reader asks what are the options for making his penis bigger

    Dear AG,

    I wondered if it was possible to make my dick bigger, I’ve seen lots of advertisement for pills and various techniques and wondered if any of them actually worked?

    Steve

    Dear Steve,

    For hundreds of years if not millennia, guys have been worried about the size of their manhoods, but there’s so much misinformation out there, that it’s actually hard to know what the truth about penis and size actually is.

    In reality penises or is it peni? Are much smaller than we’re led to believe, especially if we go by porn as a benchmark. Porn can offer an unrealistic view of what dicks should look like.

    In reality, they come (no pun) in all shapes, sizes and indeed colours. First of you should know that here in Britain the average size of an erect penis is… 5.5 inches – which is apparently also the average global average of an erect penis.

    So you might actually be well within the average or bigger than you actually think.

    So now, down to your question can you make it bigger?

    Well yes, there are ways to make it bigger – however, only one is medically proven to actually increase the size of your manhood.

    Surgery. You can get your penis lengthened with surgery, however, the cost, which can go up to around £7000 might be a bit prohibitive. The length and girth you’ll actually achieve with this method will be around a 1 to an inch and half for length and girth

    Jelqing. This apparent, ancient practice of basically pulling and massaging (not masturbating) your semi-erect penis for what can amount to hours can, and has, an ex has assured me worked – but it’s time-consuming and it’s not been clinically proven.

    Pumps. There are numerous vacuum pumps which can in the short term grow the size of your penis. However the side effects are not permanent – and you’ll have to wear a cock ring once you’ve finished pumping to keep the blood inside the penis.

    Hanging weights off it. If you’re in for the long haul then hanging weights from your dangly bits may (I’m stressing MAY) make your penis longer, although it could take months if not years of persistence. However, I’d have to advise caution as you could cause long term damage to yourself.

    Really easy ways to make your cock look bigger!

    (C) BIGSTOCK

    Changing the surroundings. Did you know by a careful trim of the pubic area can actually make your dong look bigger. The less hair around the base will give you an extra half inch…

    Losing weight can also help. Some guys, as they put on weight can put it on in their pubic area – also known as the FUPA (Fat Upper Pubic Area).

    There’s an old adage that for every stone you lose you gain an inch down there – well technically that could be true – depending on the size of your FUPA. It could be actually hiding the first inch or two of your penis.

    Whatever you do, don’t believe the hype that any pill can increase the size of your penis.

    Have you got a dilemma? Ask our Agony Uncle any questions you might have

  • Should we throw condoms in the toilet after use?

    Should we throw condoms in the toilet after use?

    Flush or Bin? Here’s what you should with your used rubber.

    Condoms

    Condoms are an important part of safer sex, especially if you’re not on PrEP and are engaging in anal sex, but what should you do with the rubber once you’ve spaffed your load.

    Once you’ve removed your penis (while still hard) from your partner’s ass, you should roll the Johnny up from the base of your penis towards the end. Sometimes the receptive partner might do this for you, especially if the end of the condom has become a little dirty during sex. Be careful here, because the condom will tend to go inside out as you’re pulling it away from the body – which isn’t so great when the tip of it is full of jizz.

    Make sure to have a tissue to hand and as you take the condom from your cock, place the condom into the tissue and fold over the tissue to encase it. Some people like to tie a knot in the condom, so the man mayo doesn’t leak into your bin.

    Then… Chuck it in the bin. Do not put it down the toilet.

    jarmoluk / Pixabay

    Have you seen those fatbergs they’re pulling out of the sewers? Yep, that’s a nasty concoction of condoms, wet wipes and sanitary products and poop all rolled up in fat. It’s not nice and because condoms are mostly latex, they don’t degrade – your trusty condom could be around for decades before it’s broken down. Not so good for the waterways and the planet.

    Although did you know you can now get VEGAN condoms?

    So chuck it in the bin and then wash your hands.

  • DILEMMA | I’m staying at my inlaws this Christmas, how can we make sure we leave no cummy trace

    DILEMMA | I’m staying at my inlaws this Christmas, how can we make sure we leave no cummy trace

    A reader asks how he can still have sexy time with his man but make sure that they leave no trace for the inlaws to find.

    DEAR UNC

    This Christmas my partner and I are staying at his parents, of course, because we’re randy f**kers I want to make sure we can still have sex, even if it is just a fumble between the sheets. What can we do to make sure that the inlaws don’t find our cummy rags or tissues?

    Gavin, Totteridge

    Dear Gavin,

    Have you ever heard of the Rich Man’s Wank? I implore you to employ the RMW technique this Christmas. It’s very simple.

    When you have your fumble under the sheets, instead of cumming over yourself (which you then have to wipe down – leaving crusty evidence for the inlaws to find) use a condom.

    Yes, sometimes it escapes us, but the humble condom has more than the two normal uses (sexually transmitted disease protection – and blow up balloons at prides), yes you can use it as a semen collector – which, let’s face it, is what its main function actually is.

    When you’re done, tie a knot at the opening – come the morning, simply pocket that Jonny, complete with all your little swimmers and flush it (you’re not supposed to do that) so you can bin it in a wrap of tissues.

    Ta Da and Merry Jizzmas!

    Got a dilemma you’d like us to answer? Click here

  • 12 ways to spice up your sex life this Christmas

    12 ways to spice up your sex life this Christmas

    With the winter nights drawing in and the cold wind blowing outside, we’ve got some tips to keep your Christmas sex hot, whether you’re in hook up mode or in a long-term relationship.

    Apparently, we Brits have more sex at Christmas time than at any other time of the year. Sex brand LELO conducted research which showed that all that time off (apparently people have time off during the holidays) 23 per cent of us are more encouraged to get jiggy between the sheets.

    So what can you do to really ramp up your sex life.

    Do something for you

    Pexels / Pixabay

    Whether it’s buying yourself some new sexy undies, like a jockstrap, losing a bit of weight, or taking up a yoga class – doing something for you can make you feel very sexy and ready to play.

    Games

    Why not get naughty with a game. There are a number of sexy board games available – whether it’s for just the two of you or more. It could be a really interesting way to get your party swinging. Also if the imagination is low or you find it hard to ask for what you want, then try the sex dice! You and your partner will end up doing every position – every which way the whole night! Every throw is a winner.

    A gift

    CREDIT: Pixababy

    Rachael McCoy is an award-winning sex and relationship coach suggests taking it in turns to surprise the other person with a gift or experience that they really enjoy. Although Christmas is a bit of gift-giving time, while not surprise your partner before the big day…. A great tip on how to do this is to listen when your partner says things they like. Make a note in your phone and when they are least expecting it, spring it on them. They’ll be so grateful that you remembered.

    Turn off

    rawpixel / Pixabay

    Have at least one night a month where you promise to turn all tech and outside distractions off and just spend time together. In this modern day we all have tablets, phones and other forms of gadgets that distract us away from quality time together.

    Be Thankful

    (C) BIGSTOCK

    In long term relationships it’s easy to forget to say the little things like ‘Thank you’ ‘I love this about you’ or ‘I’m so grateful for’. This mainly happens because we’ve said it so many times before and we just expect the other person to know. But it is imperative that you always remember to tell your husband/ wife these things regularly. It will make all the difference to your marriage and help ensure that it’s a long and happy one.

    De-Stress

    CREDIT: Wavebreak Media Ltd bigstock

    There’s a reason why De-Stress sounds like distress. You’ve got to take time to take some of the stress out of your life. There’s nothing like a bit of stress to become a complete boner killer.

    Erotic massage

    Body-n-Care / Pixabay

    Massage or even tantric massage is a great treat that never gets old. When you know your bf has been having a stressful time, greet them one day after work with some massage oil, a candle lit (warm) room and work your magic to massage their stress away. Check out our tip on how to make your man melt with your magic touch.

    Get the food just right

    CREDIT: mythja-bigstock

    Getting food right is so important. Don’t go out for a big meal and then expect to feel all sexy at the end of the night. Chances are you’ll feel bloated and very very sleepy.

    Also if you’re bottoming – having a full meal might lead to anxiety about having anal sex. So choose lighter meals – and stay clear from these foods.

    However, some of the best advice we’ve ever heard was from Dan Savage – who always suggest that you “fuck first” then go out and have a slap up meal.

    Get a red light bulb

    fetcaldu / Pixabay

    Rachael suggests swapping your normal bulb with a red bulb saying, “It completely changes the look and atmosphere in the room, instantly making it feel very seductive and naughty”.

    Going out with friends

    CREDIT: Rawpixel.com-bigstock

    While hanging out with may not seem romantic at the time but socialising and ‘representing’ as a couple with friends is a really fun thing to do. In other people’s presence we tend to be more playful. It will give you lots of things to talk about and it’s something you can both enjoy together.

    A quicky blowjob when he’s not expecting it

    CREDIT: kirza-bigstock

    A quick blow job is probably always a welcome distraction for your partner. Catch them when they are nice and clean but not expecting your sexy treat. Make the effort to spend a decent amount of time working their ‘goodies’ with your lips and tongue.

    Alone time

    CREDIT: GaudiLab/bigstock

    It may seem the opposite of romantic but actually it’s a very healthy thing to do in marriages (and relationships in general). As much as you love each other, living in each other’s pockets can become suffocating and predictable.

    Doing hobbies separately creates desire and interest into the other person, giving you both some great conversation too.

  • DILEMMA | My butt hole has a green tinge

    DILEMMA | My butt hole has a green tinge

    A reader asks what he should do about his butt, which has turned a shade of green

    DEAR TGUK,

    The skin around my butt hole has gone green. What should I do?

    Simon

    Dear Simon,

    Book an appointment with your GP or get yourself to your closest walk-in clinic. As soon as possible. Don’t delay.

    Don’t be embarrassed, shy or ashamed. Your doctor will be happy to help you.

    Good luck

    Have you got a dilemma? Click here to write to us and get your question featured on THEGAYUK.

  • DILEMMA | My date snogged the guy at the next table

    DILEMMA | My date snogged the guy at the next table

    Dear Unc,

    I recently went on a date with this gorgeous guy I met on Grindr. We decided to meet up and went to a gay bar in town.

    Things, I thought were going really well. There was definitely chemistry between us, but when I came back from the loos, I found him snogging the guy at the next table along.

    I made my excuses soon after and left.

    Later on that evening he texted to see what was up and why I left in such a hurry.

    He’s just so good looking and friendly and our WhatsApp chats are so good. I just don’t know if I should give him a second chance.

    What should I do?

    Tom

    Tom,

    Delete his number from your phone and move on. There are so many other available guys out there for you to meet so I wouldn’t get so hung on this one, particularly as it seems he wasn’t so hung up on you.

    Is there really any point in trying to salvage something that wasn’t really there in the first place?

    What you had was a digital relationship which didn’t translate in the real world.

    This happens, so don’t beat yourself up about that. It’s not your fault.

    They say everything is about first impressions – that’s not just the first 10 seconds of your date, but the entire first date. The guy snogged someone else. What kind of impression does that give you about him?

    Don’t beat yourself up and don’t spend another minute thinking about him. Mr Right is out there.

    If you’ve got a dilemma you’d like us to answer, click here

  • DILEMMA | My boyfriend ejaculates inside of me, will I contract HIV?

    DILEMMA | My boyfriend ejaculates inside of me, will I contract HIV?

    (C) BIGSTOCK

    A reader asks whether allowing his boyfriend to cum inside him, without a condom will open him up to HIV infection.

    Dear TGUK,

    Me and my boyfriend both got tested and are HIV negative, we’ve been having unprotected sex and he always ejaculates inside me. I’m just wondering if you can contract HIV if yous are both negative and he ejaculates inside me?

    John, 19

    Dear John,

    On face value and from what you’ve described, I’d say that the risk of you getting infected with HIV is very very low because, as you’ve pointed out, you’ve both tested negative for HIV.

    Providing neither of you opens your relationship to another person (and don’t use condoms), use infected needles for drug-taking or receive an infected blood transfusion (which is incredibly unlikely), you will both remain HIV negative.

    Regular Testing

    Being regularly tested for STIs will also mean you get a clearer picture of your sexual health – so if you’re sexually active it’s good to get tested a few times a year.

    edf

    However, if you’re still concerned about HIV, you can also speak to your local sexual health clinic about going on the IMPACT Prep trial and seeing whether you’re an ideal candidate to take part.

    It’s free on the NHS and will give you an extra layer of security as it is an HIV blocker.

    As always, make sure you communicate with your partner about your concerns – if you’re not 100 per cent happy with him cumming inside you – talk about it.

    It’s your body and you are in charge of what goes in!

    Have you got a dilemma for our agony uncle? Click here to submit your question.

  • This just might be the greatest sex toy for men… like ever

    This just might be the greatest sex toy for men… like ever

    The Satisfyer Men Wand is probably the only bedroom toy you’ll ever need.

    With 35 vibration settings, your little Mr will thank you, over and over and over again.

    When it comes to sex toys for men they usually require a bit of preparation and a lot of faff, which is probably why most men just make use of just one piece of equipment – their hands.

    If it’s an up the butt toy, you need to get all prepped – unless you’re happy with a poopy toy, even then you have to make sure the toy is thoroughly hygienically cleansed afterwards. If it’s a masturbator, like the Fleshlight you have to clean in and out after every use – or you could find it moulding from the inside out – yuck.

    The Satifyer Men Wand couldn’t be more simple and easy to use. What’s more thanks to its design, function and usability it might be the only cock toy you’ll ever need.

    After making sure your wand is fully charged (it charges with a USB connector) simply slip your D into the slot at the end and let the vibrations take you to climatic bliss.

    You can hold it many ways – as long as the head of your dick is in contact with the vibration “wings” – you’ll have hours of fun – actually probably only a few minutes because it’s so darn arousing.

    And because there’s no friction caused by rubbing or thrusting you can use it over and over again – without any penile soreness, redness or ache. Win-win-win.

    Satisfyer has a long history of creating weird and wonderful looking sex toys and the Satisfyer Men Wand sits up there with the best.

    We’re giving it a solid five stars.

    Check it out from THEGAYSHOP or check out the Satisfyer Store.

  • DILEMMA | Can I use lotion for lube?

    DILEMMA | Can I use lotion for lube?

    A reader asks whether it’s safe to use lotion instead of lubricant during sex.

    Dear TGUK,

    Can I have sex with lotion as lube?

    J


    Using the right lube is key to having comfortable and enjoyable sex. (C) BIGSTOCK

    Dear J

    There are many liquids you can use as lube, but lubes designed for sex are the best lubes to use.

    While lotion might feel good your penis, it might actually have chemicals in it that will irritate the inside of your arse – which will lead to painful sex or even a burning sensation.

    When it comes to sex, the wetter the better. Always use lube when having anal sex. It will make it more comfortable and better protect you against tears and pain. Madeinitaly / Pixabay

    Also, a word of warning, particularly if you’re using condoms during anal sex, you should really only use water-based or silicone-based lotions. Lotions and lubes that are oil-based could actually destroy a condom, leaving you unprotected from sexually transmitted infections.

    Do yourself a favour and buy a lube which is longlasting and feels good for your ass and dick!

    Have you got a dilemma you want answering? Click here to submit your question.

  • DILEMMA | Why do I feel so sad after sex?

    DILEMMA | Why do I feel so sad after sex?

    Dear Uncle

    “Why do I feel so sad/empty after sex?”

    Alex

    Dear Alex

    Firstly thank you for reaching out and I’m sorry to hear that you experience sadness and emptiness after sex.

    Firstly, don’t fret, many people experience all sorts of emotions after having sex – sadness and emptiness can be felt by many. Sex is a highly emotional and intimate activity – that sometimes, we as men can forget to check in with how we’re feeling about the sex we’re having.

    You don’t go into detail about the type of sex you’re having or if you’re having it with multiple people or just one person, so I’ll try and be broad with my answer.

    There’s a couple of questions I’d like you to think about – and perhaps that can help you get into a happier place when it comes to the sex you’re having.

    Why do I feel sad after sex?

    SEX SADNESS: Is the sex you’re currently having the sex you actually want?

    To explore this further – are you able to advocate fully what it is you want from your sexual partner(s) and are you getting that?

    Sex can be complex – there are many factors to take into consideration and everybody who’s taking part needs to be on the same page – to get to this place you need to have a conversation about what it is you want, what they want and whether you’re both compatible. Conversations about sex needn’t be complicated or awkward. Be upfront and honest.

    If you feel you’re unable to communicate properly then you may be having the sex you don’t want – which could be leading to the feelings you’re having.

    CREDIT: Yastremska-bigstock

    What kind of sexual encounters are you looking for?

    And are you getting those? For instance, if you’re looking for a deeper connection but you’re only having one night stands this may be causing you to feel empty. It can be very difficult to get emotionally intimate with someone you’re hooking up with for a one night stand, although we do have some tips here.

    Do you actually want sex?

    Sometimes we can feel pressured into doing things we don’t want, and it can be difficult to say “no” particularly in the highly sexualised world that we all live in.

    We’re bombarded with images and articles about the sex we should be having and how often we should be having it. Step back and ask yourself – is this what I really want? It’s absolutely okay to not want sex or have actually have sex – especially if it makes you sad.

    Check-in with yourself and see how you’re doing.

    Anyway, I hope this helps somewhat, write back to me if you want to explain a little further about your feelings.

    If you have a dilemma you’d like answered click here