A reader asks whether there is anything he can do about his boyfriend's micropenis

Dear Dilemmas

I have an incredible boyfriend, we’ve been dating for about six months.

We had a long dating period – where we didn’t have sex but decided to go on a series of dates to get to know each other.

It’s been great to do this because we’ve created a really strong emotional bond. However, After about 2 months we decided to have sex.

Problem is he has a micropenis. It’s very small. It’s not a total loss – he’s great at sex in general, he gives good head and takes time with everything else. Anal sex though is just out of the question. He really isn’t big enough to get inside me… and that’s a problem.

I’m a versatile guy and I don’t want to have a relationship where I’m going to be the top forever. As I said he’s the perfect guy. I don’t want to break it up, but can you make it work if the body parts don’t add up to what you need in the bedroom?


Dear Thomas

It’s wonderful that you’ve found the perfect guy where you have a strong emotional bond and you took the time to know the guy before having sex – and it sounds as though you realise that dicks, no matter their size only make up a part of what makes the man – but they can be an important part, so let’s see what your options are.

As you’re six months in you have a couple of options open to you. You could break it off if his size really is a deal-breaker, but are you prepared to let go of the “perfect guy” for this reason alone? Breaking it off because of his size will be a saving grace for both of you. He deserves someone that sees past what you see as a flaw. Remember one man’s small penis is another’s delight.

However, there are some ideas you can try out.

It is likely that your boyfriend is totally aware of his penis size and you guilting him about it is a surefire way to turn this relationship toxic. So why not have an open discussion with him about what you want. If you want to be topped but have found it impossible to do this with your boyfriend don’t talk in problems talk in solutions.


Discuss the idea of introducing toys to the bedroom – where he can top you with a dildo. With a dildo, you can go as big as you want. Both he and you can have fun working your way up to sizes you never dreamed of – and you can do the same to him. It takes the pressure off both of you and size doesn’t matter.

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You didn’t mention what positions you tried for anal sex. There are some positions where you can achieve penetration, even if he has a small penis. One of which is you on your back, your pelvis raised, with your legs behind your head (or as near as you can get). If you want doggie, simply pull your cheeks apart so that there’s no butt cushion and your hole exposed.

Sleeves And Extenders

There are also penis extenders and sleeves which increase the girth and length of the wearer’s penis. See what he feels about wearing one. He may actually want to top you, but his inability to do so could be frustrating the hell out of him too. These sleeves allow heat and feel to transfer right through them, so it’ll feel like he’s actually inside you.

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Have you thought about opening your relationship to having a threeway / fourway? It’s not for everyone and both people in a relationship have to be on board, but it might be an avenue worth exploring. Just make sure you talk about boundaries and expectations before you get a third or fourth involved.

Reading back over your message there’s a lot of hope in your relationship. You are clearly loving this guy and everything that he brings to the relationship, so celebrate those parts and find solutions for the bits that don’t work so well – and as you said he also gives really good head.

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About the author: Agony Uncle
The resident Agony Uncle for THEGAYUK.com with over seven years of counselling experience with the LGBT+ community.