There was a time man walked the earth barefoot, of course at that time man didn’t bathe, wore a loincloth and carried a club around with them.

In today’s society man can do almost anything and can walk the earth in as many different styles of footwear as his heart so desires; Brogues, Loafers, Boots, Trainers, the list goes on. What’s the saying? ‘Give a guy the right pair of Penny Loafers and he can conquer the world?’ I’m sure it goes something like that. Why then, do I see so many guys wondering this planet wearing the most god-awful things on their feet? It’s almost like they woke up and strapped my version of hell to their ankles and thought ‘sod it! That will do,’ no boys, no!

To help you avoid this tragic mess here’s a few mistakes to avoid!

1, Crocs – I don’t care how comfy you say they are if you aren’t 5 years old or under it’s not cute! Originally created in 2002 they unfortunately and for reasons unknown to me took the world by storm however, they look cheap, frumpy and scream cheap tourist. When I thought it couldn’t get any worse in 2006 they invented Crocs Jewellery, otherwise known as ‘Jibbitz.’ So if you have no life or self-respect you can stick hello kitty charms to your toes. Jewellery for your goddamn Crocs, vom!

2, Uggs (Muggs?) – A guy wearing Ugg Boots could quite possibly put me off a guy all together. Picture this, your first encounter in your dates bedroom and things are getting hot and steamy. You look over his shoulder and spot a pair of Ugg Boots amongst his footwear collection. Automatically this guy goes from hot to flaccid and the mood is dead! Ugg Boots on women, yes, Ugg Boots on men, no. You’re very welcome.

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3, Socks with Sandals – This one honestly just makes me laugh. Old Romans wore socks with sandals over 2000 years ago, where the trend should have died, but unfortunately it has become a popular faux pas among middle-aged men who’ve seemingly given up on style altogether.

The sock and sandal combo is when a guy will for reasons better known to himself wear a pair of (usually beige) socks underneath the ugliest pair for sandals known to the 99p store. Perhaps he is super cold but loves his sandals too much? Perhaps he dressed in the dark? We will never know, only grimace.

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If your footwear reflects any of the 3 examples above do not panic, this can be easily rectified with a trip to Westfield for a day of shopping. If you want advice regarding footwear you should have in your collection then let me know in the comment section and I will do my best to help you out!

About the author: Stephen Crowe
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