Julian Clary is on fire. The penultimate date of his gruelling 2012 tour of the UK including Dorking, sees the King of campery, winner of Celebrity Big Brother in fine fettle at The o2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire. ★★★★★

“Are there any heterosexuals in this evening” he lilts.

A surprising number of yelps comes from the audience.

“Ah, alright you don’t have to put your hand up and name and shame yourselves.”


There’s quite a few heterosexuals (including the couple in front of me who won’t stop kissing) in the house and Mr Clary jests:

“Right then I’ll just stick to the buggery jokes. I know what you like.”


All the lines that we die to hear are intact and present and it almost feels like an Q&A session. With bated breath we wait to finish his questions…

Who cut your hair? / The council?

How lovely, he spent 20 minutes combing his hand and … / Forgot to bring it with him

And… my personal favourite:

As always I do love a warm hand on my… / Entrance.


The show is a 2 hour campathon of quips and glittery lips, 6 near naked boys (I had to clutch my pearls) glittery jackets and of course Blue Nun. It’s the second half that sees Julian reach into his true comfort zone and nestle there with the people, his people. With a little bit of audience interaction, Julian literally comes alive – and there’s a lot to play off.

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“Tell me, which supermarket did you buy your jeans from?” He asks the first punter. You see Julian’s looking for a husband, someone to take him roughly over the breakfast bar. Someone to fill his vacant position. For Julian this is a breeze, a walk in the park. His asides and witticism are the stuff of legend. This is after-all why we love and adore him.


Yes, indeed, Julian has become a national trinket and the tour recommences in April and runs through May. If you get the chance to see the master at work, beg, borrow or bugger for a ticket.

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Perfect if you love Blue Nun, G&Ts and Buggery.

Dreadful if you love Ann Widdecombe.

About the author: Jake Hook
The editor and chief of THEGAYUK. All in a previous life wrote and produced songs on multi-platinum records.