Author: Patrick Devon

Which is the best anal numbing lube to use?

There are loads of numbing lubes on the market, but which is the best and why might you use a numbing lube for anal sex?

Is anal sex a real pain in the ass – literally and figuratively? Then anal numbing lube might be the way forward for you as it can help with numbing your hole and the rectum, but it does come with a warning – as a numb bum doesn’t give you the full picture of what’s going on down there. So be warned.

So what’s numbing lube good for?

Well, as the name suggests numbing lube numbs any area of skin in which it comes in contact. It does this with specific ingredients. These ingredients help mask pain to some extent. This means that if you’re using a large toy or taking a cock, any pain that you usually experience would be dulled, in most cases. However, it doesn’t actually fix the issue of why stretching your hole out is painful. If you’re feeling pain it could be that you’re not relaxed, that there’s an actual medical issue or the toy you’re using is just too damn big.

It’s important to note that numbing lube doesn’t relax the muscles in and around your anus – and relaxation is the actual key to enjoyable anal sex and not causing considerable damage.

This is important because you don’t want to cause trauma to the area – like a rip or tear. Nobody wants to end up in ER or have to undergo surgery for a severely damaged ass.

What does numbing lube feel like?

Numbing lube can feel quite strange, however, it should successfully numb the ass. Some are more successful than others and they use a wide variety of numbing ingredients.

It all depends on the brand you use, some may leave a tingly or warming feeling, and some may leave a cold feeling around your glory hole. The numbing effect usually takes up to 10 minutes to work, so don’t start ramming (actually never start by ramming) anything up your hole until the area is nicely numbed.

Once you have the feeling that the area is dulled, start with a finger or a small toy to get your ass used to opening up a little, you can find out more advice on taking a big toy or dick here. Just because the skin has been numbed it doesn’t mean that the anal muscles are relaxed, so you should really spend some time on getting your ass ready and relaxed – then the ramming can begin!

After a while, you might feel a strange sensation, I would describe it as a heaviness inside. Perhaps it feels like you need the loo, but don’t actually have anything in there to pass.

Is using Numbing Lube safe?

A word to the wise before going down the numbing lube path, you might want to take heed from Doctor Evan Goldstein of Bespoke Surgical who gave a warning against the use of numbing gels or lubes – especially if you’re planning to take something huge up your ass. He said the problem with the numbing lube is that if you’re doing damage to yourself, you might not feel it.

He said, “A lot of people are using numbing lubricants or poppers or other to relax, and the reality of that, is that it leads to injury because a lot of people don’t feel the trauma happening”.

But as long as you’re aware of this factor, you should be okay.

So what numbing lubes actually work?

Well, I’ve road-tested a few different types of numbing lubes in my time, the two that stick out for me are the Anal-Eze and Eros Fisting Gel. Anal-Eze contains the active ingredient Lidocaine, which is a topical analgesic. Eros uses Polidocanol which is another local anaesthetic. Numbing agents can have side effects so it’s best to always check which active anaesthetic ingredients are being used in your lubes.

I found Eros to be quite effective in numbing my ass. However, after an hour or so I did experience an uncomfortable feeling of needing to poop – despite being fully douched and nothing ‘up there.’ I see that other users of this brand have also complained about this slightly strange and unsettling feeling.

Anal-Eze also does a good job of numbing. It is a smaller tube, but a little goes a long way. It would be best to use this lube in conjunction with another lube – like a silicone lube.

There are quite a few types available for sale. Check out our own shop for our entire range of numbing lubes.

20th April 2022
What is the gay hanky code? And what do the colours mean?
Nowadays, finding out what a guy is into is pretty straight forward on dating or hookup apps like Grindr or Scruff. You simple type, “into” and you’ll most likely get a pre-written reply of kinks, preferences and needs – which can read like a shopping list, use this hack to save you a lot of time. But what about the days before the internet? Or indeed how do you disclose whether you’re a top or a bottom or a piss fiend when you’re out and about or at a gay sauna or a cruising ground? Well that’s where the hanky code comes in.

By a stroke of genius someone decided that by simply putting a colour coded hanky in your back pocket, that you could tell all the guys around you exactly what you were looking for.

Where was the hanky code invented?

The hanky code has been around for quite some time (get ready for a gay history lesson).

Sources put the hanky code as an invention originating from San Francisco, in or around the mid-to-late 70s. It started off in the gay community when being incognito about your sexuality was a must. After time it was also adopted by the BDSM community as a well to communitcate preferences.

In 1983 the hanky code was cemented when Larry Townsend‘s The Leatherman’s Handbook II described the code in detail.

By wearing a seemingly innocuous hanky in your back pocket you could tell anybody, in the know, that you were a top, or bottom, whether you were there for a fucking or just wanks. Pretty ingenious.

Depending on what side you wore your hanky would determine whether you were a top or bottom, dom or sub. Wearing your hanky in your left pocket means you’re top or dom and wearing your hanky in the right pocket means you’re bottom or sub.

What are the hanky code colours and what do they mean?

There are over 20 different colours to the hanky code. Here are the eight more popular.
- Black – BDSM. If you’re into BDSM then a black hanky is the way to go. If you’re dom then you’d wear it in your left pocket. If you take the submissive role then you’d pop it in your right pocket.
- White – Wanking/Cum. Say you’re in a bathouse, and you’re not there to fuck, but wanted to engage in mutual wanking or just wanna cum with someone, then a white hanky would be worn in either pocket, but again left if you’re slightly more dom, right if you’re more submissive.
- Grey – Bondage. Into some whipping and being tied up? Grey is colour for you. If you like being tied up then you’d wear it in your right pocket. if you’re looking to take control then a grey hanky in your left pocket lets everyone know you’re the boss.
- Yellow – Piss. Wanna be pissed on? Wear a yellow hanky in your right pocket. Wanna piss on someone wear it in your left pocket.
- Navy Blue – Anal Sex. There to be fucked and you’re a bottom? Wear a navy hanky in your right back pocket. You’re the top? Wear a navy hanky in your left back pocket.
- Orange – Anything Anytime. Are you the kinda guy who’s into everything or extremely open minded? The orange hanky is your friend.
- Light Pink – Dildos. For toy play the light pink hanky is the way to go. Just remember if you want the toys to be used on you to wear the hanky in your left pocket.
- Red – Fisting. Into fisting, then the Red hanky is your go to. Depending on whether you’re the fistee (right pocket) or the fister (left pocket) determines which pocket you pop your red hanky in.
So, what if you’re into more than one thing? Say you’re into piss and a bottom who’s looking for a fucking? Well, my friend, you get a Navy and a Yellow hanky and you stuff them both into your back right pocket.

Looking to buy some hankies? Well our partners over at THEGAYSHOP have these hankies. Go on, be a bit retro and keep this awesome piece of gay history alive and kicking.
1st April 2022
Can bottoms self lubricate for gay sex?
Some guys, it seems, have an uncanny ability to be always ready to take a dick at a moment’s notice. So are some bottoms able to self-lubricate, ready at a moment’s notice to get ploughed by an almighty 10 incher?
Table of Contents
So does the ass self-lubricate?
Some bottoms boast extreme self-lubrication… should they use normal lube as well?
So what if the guy I’m about to pound doesn’t seem to need lube – is he self-lubricating?
So does the ass self-lubricate?

The answer my friends is a little more nuanced than a yes or a no. While the rectum can line its walls with mucous, which is technically a lubricant, it’s actually intended to help poop pass through its walls more easily. It’s not, however, a lube for some serious ass ramming. Your body produces this mucous when it feels that you’re gonna need to make a bowel movement, or maybe with the presence of a cock. The mucous is generally clearish although some people report it to be whitish in colour and is produced by the anal ducts – and it smells, well, like ass.

The amount that is produced varies from person to person, but believe us, it’ll never be enough to make anal sex pleasurable.

Some bottoms boast extreme self-lubrication… should they use normal lube as well?

Yes, they should be using a lube which is intended for intercourse. Not using lube and just relying on mucous from the rectum or even just spit could lead to some serious long-term medical issues for the hole. Trauma to the area could land you with anything from fissures to prolapses, which will need an operation to put right.

If diamonds are a girl’s best friend, lube is a bottom’s – and there are many many to choose from and the one that feels best to use will again vary from person to person, although in this writer’s (vast) wisdom on the subject, Silicone is the best way to go – it’s long-lasting and leaves the area feeling pretty well moisturised and not tacky – like some water-based lubes.

So, while it might feel that your butthole is self-lubricating and can take the insertion of a finger – for a cock (or two) it really won’t cut the mustard.

So what if the guy I’m about to pound doesn’t seem to need lube – is he self-lubricating?

It’s highly likely that powerbottom that you’re about to nail has already prelubed before getting into the bed/sling/lazy Suzanne. In fact it’s one of the things I most recommend to bottoms during their whole prep routine is to actually pre-lube after douching. One of the best ways to get the lube to where it’s actually meant to be is with a lube launcher. This device “launches” lube deep into your rectum putting it where just using a finger won’t reach.

It looks like an oversized medieval but plastic, syringe, but don’t fret there’s no needle at the end, just a smallish tube with a rounded end with a hole, which you insert up your bum and press in the lube. Pretty easy.

So the moral of the story. Use lube if you’re gonna have butt sex.
13th September 2021
Should I clean my sex toys after using them?

You should definitely be cleaning your sex toys after use, particularly if the toys you are using are up-the-butt toys.

You see, your ass, even after douching is still filled with bacteria and germs that you won’t want sitting around on a toy’s surface, laying in your bottom drawer over a period of time.

This could lead to nasty stomach upsets and illness.

You may also find that any lube residue left on your toy could melt it between uses. Yes, this happens – all depending on what material your toy is made from and the type of lube you used.

So it’s best to clean your toys after each usage.

Water or Toy Cleaner?

You can buy a special sex toy cleaner – our partner shop sells a range of these, or you can use warm soapy water. We particularly recommend the Bathmate Clean Misting Toy Cleaner, which is really easy to use, simply wipe off any debris (you know what we mean!) mist it with the cleaner, rub it in and then rise off.

If you use a toy cleaner, you’ll also be disinfecting it, killing off all those nasty bacteria.

Make sure when cleaning your toy, that you clean out all of the ridges and if it’s a realistic dildo, make sure you clean around the head and all of the veins.

Using condoms on your toys

Using a condom on your toy when you use it will mean that you won’t need to wash it as thoroughly, but it is advisable to give it a wipe down to get rid of any chemicals that transfer from the inside of a condom to your toy.

Storing your toy

Once you’ve clean your toy, dry it off with a towel until it’s perfectly dry and if it came with a protective pouch, insert it back in there.

If it didn’t come with a pouch, an old sock will work just as well.

Inserting it into a sock or pouch protects the toy’s material coming into contact with other toys – which can cause them to melt as some materials even react with other materials.

It isn’t pretty and can get quite expensive.

Penis toys and masturbators

If your toy is for penis play, like a Fleshjack or even the Satifyer Men’s Wand (pictured above) you should still give it a good clean after use. If you’ve jizzed over or in your toy, you won’t want to find it, next time you come to use it, covered with stale, crispy semen… Or may you do… But to ensure the longevity of your toy, it’s best to clean it after each use.

Oh yeah, if you’re wondering how to get rid of semen stains – particularly on clothes or towels, read this.

To find out how to clean your Fleshjack click here.

3rd December 2020
How can I keep from farting during anal sex?

Short answer, you really can’t stop a fart during anal sex

It can happen to the best of us – the fuck fart. He pulls out and you parp. It’s just the way it goes – and most likely is probably not an actual tummy-made gas, so is it really a fart?

In women or some trans guys who have a vagina, it’s called Queefing and it’s essentially the air that escapes the vagina – but a fart and queef can both sound the same. So what should we call air that escapes your bottom during sex, but isn’t actually gas from your intestines… Beefing?

There’s no real way to stop Beefing as the air that gets pumped inside you (as your top is pounding away) really doesn’t have anywhere else to go, but back out your butt hole. Also as you have anal sex, the muscles around your hole – the sphincter, which is the muscle that can stop a normal fart will have relaxed quite considerably, so it might be quite hard to clench to stop the escaping air.

This is why you might beef when the top pulls out, especially if it’s unexpected. The air that escapes is most likely to be air that’s been trapped in your rectum rather than from your lower intestine. Which is a good thing, because it’s also highly unlikely to smell – especially if you’ve prepped for sex, by douching.

What’s the difference between a fart and a beef?

A fart is gas caused by the breakdown of food and bacteria in your gut and intestines. Some foods will make you toot more, so it’s best to steer clear from them before any kind of anal activity. A beef is just air that is pumped into your rectum during anal sex.

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Some positions will make you beef more

The Butter Churn is a prime example of a position that can make you fart when he pulls out. That’s where the bottom props up his back with his hands and puts both legs in the air above his head, while the top enters in a downward motion. Its a bit like a plunger – and that causes a lot of air movement.

Staying clear of any position where your butthole is likely to be more exposed like if your legs are wide open might also contribute to a build-up of air in your rectum.

Also, the slow plough, where your top thrusts all the way in and then all the way out of your ass is likely to get air trapped, so don’t be surprised if you parp a little during this.

What do you if you fart during anal sex?

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The best thing to do is laugh at it or just ignore it altogether. Try not to be embarrassed about it, or even apologise for it. It’s completely normal, happens to everyone and there’s nothing you can really do about it anyway.

You never know the guy you’re with might actually be turned on the sound of your beef. So just go with it. Don’t let it stop the fun.

Images from Bel Ami and Lucas Entertainment

26th November 2020
Turns out Scruff probably knows your type better than you
If you’ve had enough of Grindr there’s always Scruff…

Scruff is the other big gay hook up app and it is one of the more highly rated of all the big names according to our research. However, an interesting feature, which you might not know about actually gives a pretty insightful look at who your perfect guy is, even if you’re not actually sure who he is.

So, I was looking at the “Insights” section on my own profile. You get there by clicking on your own photo and scrolling down until you see the “Insights” button.

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Usually, Insights is a paid-for feature for other profiles, but it’s free to see your own insight and it has to be said I love a bit of ANALytics. See what I did there? #SorryNotSorry.

What is Insights on Scruff?

It gives you a rundown of who you respond to and how often you do it which when you check out their charts can be quite interesting.

It shows you how often you respond to messages and the breaks that down by the community you most often answer, their age bracket and interestingly their body hair.

Your eyes tell a different story to your heart

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You see, subconsciously you may be answering more messages from certain types of guys without even knowing it.

So apparently, if you hit me up on Scruff, you’re most likely going to get an answer if you’re from the Geek Community (apparently I answer them 40% of the time) If you’re 26-35 (I answer those guys 60% of the time) and if you’re hairy (67%).
Weirdly, if you ask me what my type was I’d say maybe Ryan Phillipe circa 2001 or Jeffrey Bowyer Chapman or even Sir Patrick Stewart, but actually, my eyes and my ding dong clearly answer the mating call to geeky, hairy 30-somethings. Go them – actually, go me!

Download Scruff for your phone here
26th November 2020
How to give a perfect Blow Job, 8 tips on giving good head

If you’re looking to give the perfect blow job or become a master in good oral sex, then read on.

*This article contains images that might not be suitable for work*

Going down, blow job, giving head, oral sex, whatever you call it, it’s one of the pure joys of being gay/bi or just cock loving, let’s face it. Aside from bum fun, it’s one of the most gay-defining sex acts – putting another man’s penis in your mouth – it doesn’t get gayer than that!

But what constitutes a good blow job?

It’s not quite the advice that can be passed down from your father (but maybe from your Daddy) but most of us learn about blow jobs via porn and well, trial and error.

The problem with trial and error is that it often requires us to be confident to tell our partner what we’re feeling – and that can be harder than you might think, for fear of offending.

So when guys were recently asked on THEGAYUK community, what advice they’d give, guys did not hold back with their amazing little tidbits on giving love to the purple-headed love monster.

inspiration from Cocky Boys

Practice makes perfect

Practice on a banana. Use lots of saliva and use your lips. Enjoy it like you were sucking on a tall ice cream that’s melting quickly. VIA

Use tongue, not teeth

Move your head up and down even side to side if you please. This might seems like common sense but you’d be surprised. Don’t suck too hard.. one guy gave me head took the word “suck” way too literally. He literally sucked it like a breath mint that was suppose to melt away. It was awkward to be stuck in that position the entire time. Don’t do that. VIA

Put yourself in his shoes

Inspiration from BEL AMI

Imagine what feels good to you (if you’ve had head before at least) or when you’re jerking off… and do that to him… just go slow at first and get comfortable with it. You’ll soon learn what the other guy is liking and what he isn’t… Don’t forget to use your tongue. Lots! VIA

The eyes

lots of eye contact, if he’s into that. Most guys are. Whatever position you are in, see if you can look him in the eye has your have his cock head in your mouth. HOT AF. VIA

Don’t be extra

Don’t try and impress with your skills. Just do what comes naturally. VIA

Don’t always go for the deep throat

I’m not that huge a fan of deep throating. It’s not that comfortable for the receiver. especially if you can’t get the whole damn thing down your throat. It feels like it’s getting crushed and it kinda hurts. Plus I don’t know about anyone else, but the sound of a guy gagging makes me feel like I’m gonna gag. Really not sexy. VIA

inspiration from Lucas Entertainment

Enjoy every inch

Take time every cm / inch of that cock. Maybe trying something new with each section. Thin tonguing for the pee hole, lips for the tip, teeth (lightly) on the shaft, flat tongue action on his balls, a lapping motion on his groin. VIA

He’s the cure

He’s the cure…

Personally, it’s all about enthusiasm. You’ve got to act like you’ve been poisoned and the cure is in his cock. VIA

How risky are Blow Jobs?

Oral sex is a pretty low-risk activity when it comes to some STIs, such as HIV, but you can still catch a number of other infections from blow jobs. Speaking to us from the sexual health clinic, 56 Dean Street, Jake and Jenna told us, “Other nasties like Chlamydia and Gonorrhoea can be passed on by both receiver and giver, and might not even show symptoms, however, all these infections can be treated effectively if caught soon enough”.

So you can reduce your risk of catching these by using condoms, flavoured condoms are the best for oral sex and won’t leave a nasty chemical taste in your mouth.

With thanks to Cocky Boys, Lucas Entertainment and Bel Ami (ALL NSFW)

26th November 2020
I took psyllium husk to help with bottoming, here’s what happened

If you’re no stranger to bottoming then you’ll know the feeling of douching and the fear that what you’ve done is never enough. That whole process can be quite stressful and there can be times, when you think ‘how much more can there actually be’. This is particularly true if you over douche, which means that you unlodged your lunch, which probably wouldn’t have come out for another 12-24 hours. But poop is like a genie, once it’s been disturbed, you can’t just stuff it back in, which could mean another 20 minutes of douching.

It’s very time consuming.

So when I heard that there were pills and supplements out there that can help with ensuring you stay and remain “ready” with little or no preparation I was intrigued. After all who doesn’t want a quick fix, right?

There are numerous products out there that are aimed at gay men… but they are, in reality quite expensive and require a regime which needs you to remember to take multiple pills a day at various times. That’s just way too much effort for my liking.

So I did some reading and it turns out the main ingredient of these supplements is a totally natural foodstuff called psyllium husk. Which when bought in powder form is incredibly cheap.

Psyllium husk is a highly effective fibre source which acts a bit like a sponge, soaking up the water content in your gut and helping to bind all your poo together, making your poop more “together” (one lump or two?), but crucially softer making your bowel movements much easier and well-formed, in one or two larger more solid masses. It also has other health benefits as it’s prebiotic, helping to colonise your gut with probiotics.

The result

Well, after a week the difference was noticeable. Pooping was easier, felt good and solid and, without being too graphic, my butthole seemed pretty clean afterwards as wiping would reveal a tissue that, for the most part, clear of smears.

I bought Psyllium Husk by Bulk Powders, which is currently around £15.07 on Amazon (prices vary) and it’s very simple to use. Just one scoop a day in a glass of water. That’s it.

12th November 2020
How to perfect Double Penetration

For many, double penetration is the stuff of fantasy. Simply put Double Penetration, in a gay sex context is the insertion of two penises into one guy’s hole. It usually requires at least three of you, but it can be done with just the two of you if you have a dildo (or even one of you, yes there are double penetration dildos).

What you need to know is DP takes time and patience, so if you’re really up for trying double penetration, here’s how to go about it.

Before we start it’s probably fair to say, that there will be some guys, who just won’t be able to do it, from a bottoming point of view and if you feel too much pain, or it just doesn’t feel right then stop and tell your tops, to cool their jets. You don’t want to come out of this with a trip to A&E or create yourself long-lasting issues with your butthole.

If you’re a top and you want to find out the bit that involves you, click here… if you’re the bottom then read on…

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The warm-up, warm-up

The warm-up starts long before your tops arrive. It all starts with the douche and getting yourself ready down there.

I’d always recommend a shower douche if you’re going for DP, or extended arse play. Usually, a normal bulb douche would be fine for anal sex, but you want to be sure. Want to know more about douching click here.

Haven’t got a shower douche or bulb douche, check out our range.

Make sure the water is luke-warm and that the pressure from your shower is low. Take your time with the experience.

Once you’re ready and cleaned out, start prepping your hole with lube and maybe a dildo or prostate massager. I start with a numbing lube.

A lube launcher is a perfect way to get the lube deep inside you, or you can coat the top of your dildo with lube and work it in your body.

What you want to do is get your ass all lube up and warmed up ready for the main event.

The warm up

This is where you start to introduce other guys and the sex has begun. Hopefully, your tops have been true gents and gotten you all open and ready with rimming, possibly some fingering and now the penetration. It’s up to you, but I’d let both of them have sex with you for as long as they want… (and feels comfortable for you) this means that when it comes to the DP your butt hole muscle will be relaxed and ready for something bigger.

The DP

There are three main positions for DP, but we’ve posted four, in case you’re basically just extra.

The Double Stuff

IMAGE: Robert Flood

The Double Stuff is where the Btm lies on top, face down on Top 1 who enters the ass first, then from behind, kneeling between Top 1 and the Btm’s legs, Top 2 then inserts his dick. Slowly! In this position, Top 2 mostly controls the action. If Top 1 or the btm moves too much, both Tops will most likely fall out.

Tip: for this position whichever Top has the largest penis should be on the bottom and enter first.

The Laidback Cowboy DP

IMAGE: Robert Flood

This time the Btm faces up and lies on his back on the stomach of Top 1, who should again enter first. Top 2 then put his penis and because of his position gets the best view, but also, again gets to control the thrusting action more.

Tip: If your Btm is a heavier guy, then he’ll need to support his weight with his elbows or hands, meaning that both his hands will be occupied, so Top 2 can always jerk him off

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The King Of Clubs

IMAGE: Robert Flood

The King Of Club DP position is where the two Tops lie opposite each other with their butts, balls and penises meeting in the middle. Their legs outstretched past the shoulders of the other top. The two top’s legs will cross each at around the knee. The tops’ penises should meet in the middle and essentially create one dick for the Btm to lower himself on to. The Btm will need some good upper body strength for this as he lowers himself down and steadies himself on top of the two tops. However, this is the position where the Btm has most of the control over thrusting and how deep the penetration is.

Tip: Because this is essentially creating one large penis for the Btm to sit on it can actually be harder to do. First, a lot of foreplay and fucking needs to happen before you attempt this to really relax the muscles. You could also try raising one of the Top’s hips up with a pillow under the butt, making his penis stand higher than the other, meaning the Btm can insert one, then the other.

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The Frogs Legs

IMAGE: Robert Flood

Now this position requires quite a bit of flexibility from all concerned but has 10/10 marks for views for all and well, just the feeling of achievement alone. It’s almost the exact reverse of the King of Clubs DP.

The Btm lays on his back, with his butt in the air and his legs towards his chest or shoulders. Both Tops face away from each other, butts touching, whilst squatting over the Btm and straddling one of the Btm’s legs, creating a crisscross or the look of frog’s legs. Then pointing their dick’s down, enter the Btm. The fun thing about this position is that both Tops can control the trusting and slipping out is less of an issue.

Tip: This position needs the Tops to have some flexibility in their dicks to be able to bend downwards. The Btm’s back can be supported with a pillow under his lower back or butt.

Remember

If it hurts or there’s blood or you’ve just had enough, say STOP. End it when you need to. The ass is a delicate area. The rectum’s lining is quite thin and too much trauma will damage it. This is not the time to just power through the pain, you could be causing damage.

The key is to relax, a little discomfort might happen, but the more you can chill and relax, the better it will become… and I promise it’s like nothing you’ve felt before (for tops and btms!).

Things that might need…

Numbing lube

Douche

Double Penetration Dildo

Images by Robert Flood, inspired by scenes from Lucas Film and TimTales

5th November 2020
How to hire a rent boy or an escort

1. Go online and find the right guy.

There’s no need to trawl the streets looking for escorts or rentboys in fact, in 2020 is anyone still really doing that? There are loads of escorting and rentboy sites, which you can Google, where guys of all shapes, sizes and colours have uploaded their pictures and loaded their profiles with information on what they’re into and up for. You’ll be able to find someone to suit your needs very quickly.

2. Reach out to them

Whether you call, text, Whatsapp or email the next step is to make contact with them. Some workers may be around all hours, others might not be. If he’s available or taking bookings he’ll answer.

Once you’ve connected, here’s where you tell him or describe what it is you’re looking for and the worker will be able to tell you whether it’s doable.

Lay it all out here. Don’t spring any surprises on your escort when you’re actually meeting.

Also, discuss the price. The escort may have already said what his price per hour is on the website, or he may have put “Ask Me”… Tell him how long you’re looking for and what price he can do it for. The going rate is around £150 per hour. There may be extras, which can be bolted on, such as bareback, massage, kink etc.

Some guys will offer “in calls” – that’s where you go to him and “outcalls” is where he’ll travel to you.

Outcalls can be more expensive and you might be asked for a deposit from your guy. This is normal and is essentially because some clients bail at the last minute or give out false information. So a deposit shows you really mean business.

3. Agree on it all before you or he turns up!

Again don’t spring it on your guy that you’re into fisting or food play or underwear smelling beforehand. Equally, if you’re wanting to top him, let him know beforehand, so he can prepare. Most escorts, if they are bottoms or vers, will already be prepared… Also, have the safer sex discussion. Some guys will bareback, others won’t. Don’t push if he says he’s condom only.

4. Make sure you’re prepared too.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Shower (be clean) and prep yourself, if you’re looking to get fucked. Nobody likes a shitty kitty (unless that’s what you’ve paid for). Looking for info on douching? Check it out here.

5. Arrive and money

Don’t forget sex work is work. The money conversation should happen upfront. Preferred method… cash. Don’t make a big thing about it. Again it’s a good point to lay out what it is you want to do. It’s your time so script it out if that helps.

6. Get down to it.

It’s your time so use it how you want to. Let your guy know what works, what doesn’t, but be polite and professional and your escort will reciprocate (again unless you’ve paid for something different).

7. Condoms.

kerryank / Pixabay

If you agreed on condoms, make sure you wear one and don’t pressure your sex worker into having bareback once in the flow of things. A good escort will have a supply of condoms, lube and most likely poppers, particularly if it’s an incall.

8. Clean up in aisle.

Once the fun is over, let your escort make his excuses and leave. Make sure you see him to the door. If you’re feeling generous a tip will never be refused.

9. Review

If you enjoyed give him a good review on whatever website you found him on.

4th November 2020
Is it safe to use a cucumber for sex without a condom?

Some veggies can make for great and super cheap sex toys…

If you are using a piece of veg and you’re by yourself, it is most likely to be safe without using a condom, with a few provisos.

Make sure you wash that thing (let’s call it a vegtoy) good and proper. You don’t want to be putting whatever is on the skin of your vegtoy – like insecticides, bacteria from other people’s hands who have touched it first and well, general dirt from the ground that might be left on the veg.

Once you’ve washed it you’re good to go, after you check that there are no hard edges or pieces that likely to come off.

NjoyHarmony / Pixabay

However, if you’re using it with another person – and you’re sharing the vegtoy, then you should, as with any insertable toy you use in anal play, use a condom. One, it helps protect you from sharing any infections the other person may have but, two, it also helps with keeping the toy clean from, well, let’s face it poop if you’re anally inserting.

Much bigger than you think

zhivko / Pixabay

Just remember veggies are often much harder and bigger than you think. In all likelihood If you actually saw a penis the size of a Sainsbury’s organic cucumber, you might run from the room screaming, (although we do like a challenge).

So take it slow and use lube.

Another thing to consider is that as certain veg warms up (with your body warmth), a cucumber and definitely a banana will become a bit mushy. If it breaks apart you might have trouble retrieving parts from inside you. If this happens, don’t stress. Smaller parts will eventually come out if you let nature take its course.

A word of warning: Extreme caution must be used when inserting anything into your butt that doesn’t have a handle, a flared base or gives good grip. Many people have ended up in A&E after failing to retrieve a cucumber, banana or carrot lodged in their rectums. A painful experience that can actually lead to death if left untreated.

We would urge anyone who has gotten anything stuck up there to seek medical advice immediately, no matter how embarrassed you feel.

Most if not all dildos come with a flared base. If you’re looking for an inexpensive dildo, check out the range of dildos at THEGAYSHOP.

It’s best to use implements that are actually designed for insertion, such as dildos and vibrators.

If you are going to insert a carrot, gherkin, cucumber or banana, make sure you’re relaxed. Some of these veg can be much larger than a penis, so using lots of lube and taking your time is a must. Oh did I say use lots of lube… There are a few types, Water-based, Silicone and even numbing.

Using food for sex

vanessaives / Pixabay

Using fruit and veg could be a great way to excite and reignite your sex life. Using soft fleshy, non-acidic fruit such as honeydew melons or watermelons can be an exciting way to get new sensations. Simply put a hole in it and thrusting in and out will provide interesting brand new feelings.

Have you ever tried “the peach” as made famous in Call Me By Your Name? We’ve put together seven sex scenes from the movies you can try at home.

Alternatively, you can always use other foodstuffs such as chocolate spreads or even Marmite, who recently brought out body paint.

Oh did I say use lots of lube…

If you’re looking to insert food, why not try a lollipop or ice cubes, which will melt. Use the ones that you can make yourself with a plastic stick. Store-bought lollipops might have a wood stick, which could leave splinters inside you. Ouch!

Whatever you’re doing, be creative and have fun!

9th February 2019