Category: Love And Sex

Can tantra lead you and your partner to a more fulfilling partnership? Ayurvedic Practitioner & Wellbeing Artist Tomaz Mueller, thinks so….

In the first part, we looked at the definition of the term ‘Tantra’ and practical ways of cultivating self-love. In this article, I wish to explore further how Tantra can lead to a more fulfilling relationship.

Anybody who has had a truly tantric experience will know that the path of Tantra can take you onto a journey of inner transformative processes, which in this context I wish to refer to as the alchemy (a seemingly magical process) of inner transformation. It is these experiences of ecstasy, where the boundaries of our limited self are being transformed into a higher state of limitlessness, similar to how the ancient alchemists were able to transform base metal into gold. This process of alchemy will open the door to the unconscious, through deep matter, our physical body. And from there through its subtler counterparts such as our emotional, energetic and mental body until we finally reach the realm of our spiritual body where sexual energy is fused with spiritual resulting in an experience of total liberation.

Tantra as a spiritual path can be a means to take personal relationships towards divine fulfilment, an experience of bliss and ecstasy that lies beyond the limited, individual self. Irrespective of whether you are in a same-sex or heterosexual relationship, exploring the path of tantra means encountering the divine through the pleasures of our physical body.

During my time in the ashram, over a period of 10 years, I aimed to achieve liberation through transcending the mind in order to get glimpses of the divine. Tapping into a state where eventually all limitations are being transcended, has certainly cultivated a state of absolute bliss consciousness, boundless timeless state of being within me.

The interesting part, looking back now, is that I lived my life, my reality through what is commonly understood as the chakras (various focal points on your body) of higher frequency, from the heart upwards. This certainly has helped me to cultivate a more peaceful, compassionate personality with a good intuitive sense and higher awareness, however, by bypassing the so-called lower energy centres, low self-esteem, an unexplainable inferiority complex, blocked creativity and permanent financial instability where lurking shadows preventing me from integrating these higher experiences into my daily living. Especially in spiritual circles, active lower chakras are considered an obstacle to the experience of enlightenment, preventing the mind from being still.

I realised for myself that ignoring the lower chakras, which represent self-confidence, financial security, sexuality, intimacy, creativity and sensuality does not serve my personality, however, this might be different for others. Clearly I had fallen into the trap of spiritual bypassing where physical pleasures had to be transcended.

I know this is the philosophy of many of the spiritual practices but let me ask a question: Nature or God or however you wish to call it has created this amazing human being, comprising complex physical structures as well as subtler energy systems. How can we then demarcate a place where this amazing being becomes lower? Where do we find a division within our body? Doesn’t the blood circulate through the entire system? How can one area of the body be less divine than the other?

What I realised is that for a very long time I was chasing enlightenment at the cost of bypassing life. Tantra has woken me up and shaken my reality, given me an understanding that sensuality and sexual enjoyment is the most intense and powerful of all sensory enjoyments. Thus when harnessed and mastered is ultimately closing the circle between the physical and its subtler counterparts, leading to the divine, leading to living life to its fullest. I realised that ultimate freedom is not an experience or a state of mind rather the ability to totally embrace all aspects of life: from the dense physical manifestations to the subtlest vibration of the divine. Any pleasurable experience in its refined state cannot be less divine than anything else.

The path of Tantra for me is the path of deep surrender, the path of truth, where I fully embrace my desires, as they are just as divine as anything else. However, there are two kinds of desires: ordinary desire which traps you as it reinforces a false view that you are not already complete as you are, which gives you the experience that you are separate from the object of your desire. And there is the ultimate desire, that longing for truth, to awakening to the completeness of that you have always been.

By recognising this, ordinary desires merely are a vehicle that brings me back to the source, the primal root of desire which lies far deeper than the wish to own that car, to get that piece of clothing or to achieve this success in my professional career. That intensity of longing for example through a deep sensual, sexual connection has the power to shatter that confinement of the constructed self which doesn’t allow me to rest until it brings me the ultimate experience of bliss and joy.

This way through the path of Tantra, desire becomes a means of liberation, allowing me to carve out a better version of myself again and again. Not by denying or ignoring the shadow aspects of my being but by embracing these, working through its confinements, which ultimately lead to the experience of ecstasy, of bliss.

Here are a few tips to increase self-awareness and to create a deeper, more blissful and harmonious bond with your partner:

• Prepare the space: ensure the room is warm, set the mood with candles, your favourite scent and relaxing music.
• Start with a sensual and slow undressing ritual.
• Sit opposite each other and focus on your breathing whilst gazing into each other’s eyes: breath in slowly to the count of five, hold your breath and breathe out to the count of six, allow the breath to move through your entire body.
• Then slowly start caressing each other, using the fingertips with a light and gentle touch.
• Then you may wish to begin to kiss, focus on every physical sensation and remember to be fully present.
• Finally, you could conclude your journey by giving each other a massage, ensure you concentrate on the entire body with slow and sensual strokes.

The path of Tantra is an invitation for you to bring more intimacy into your life, whether you currently have a partner or not. Tantra employs the engagement of sensory experiences which can provide a truly spiritual awakening, improve self-confidence, foster a healthy body image and for sure strengthens relationships by being able to connect on a deeper level.

Tantra is one practical aspect of the Vedas, a large body of knowledge systems originating in India more than 10,000 years ago. This Sanskrit word means ‘to weave’ and it is derived from the root syllable tan ‘to expand’ and tra ‘instrument, technique or practice’. The tantric path is just one of the many ancient practices that weaves various techniques together and when applied expands your awareness, which can lead to liberation. Sadly it is probably the most misrepresented and misunderstood path with some of the wildest misconception that tantra is all about sex. Through the practice of tantra, you embark on an erotic journey to the divine where your physical body alongside the subtler bodies such as your mental, emotional, energetic becomes the vehicle for the expansion of consciousness, transcending the limitations of your body and mind.

The work of a tantric practitioner becomes more important during this day and age than ever. Today in this technology-driven times, in the age of media and information we face a crisis. Loneliness clearly is the new epidemic of the 21st century. According to an article published in The Telegraph on the 5th of March 2019, Britain is facing a loneliness crisis.

Figures published by the Jo Cox Commission suggest over 9 million adults in the UK consider themselves ‘always’ or ‘often’ lonely. The impact of this on health is massive. The effect of isolation on mortality is comparable to the risk factors of obesity or cigarette smoking, increasing mortality by around 26 per cent, not even talking about the effect on mental health such as depression and the high risk of suicide.

Can Alexa solve our loneliness?

Feeling lonely, well talk to ‘Alexa’. Human interaction is replaced by technology and considered suitable company to combat isolation and loneliness. Truly, can artificial intelligence ever become a substitute for human companionship?

Sadly technology has been largely proven to be ineffective in meeting the needs of those lonely, it can never be a substitute for true love and affection. When we feel lonely, we desire connection. We look for meaningful connections by scrolling down our social media, by sending thumbs up, a smile or heart. We measure love by counting the likes we receive on a post. Social media definitely has brought the world together at the same time has become a trap for social imprisonment.

Behind the posed smile in front of the most stunning waterfall lurks the shadow of disconnect: the fear of rejection and judgment pushes us to show the world an image that is far removed from the truth of what is really going on deep inside our hearts and souls. The longing for love, intimacy and connection remains locked away safely to mask the underlying fear of loneliness and rejection with a million-dollar smile. We often live in denial of suppressed feelings of anger, disappointment, frustration resulting from shocks and traumatic events, our social conditioning, which have numbed our senses. We shy away from expressing what is really going on. We become rigid and close off even to those nearest to us.

Our true feelings are frozen in ice out of fear of isolation and alienation, the fear of rejection and judgment, making us more and more miserable and unhappy. This goes against the nature of life, which always moves towards growth and greater levels of happiness. The path of tantra is the path of truth that helps us free our true identity trapped in a rigid block of ice, by freeing ourselves from the limitation of our conditionings so we can live life to its fullest. Our need for love, sensuality, affection and touch has never been greater than now.

Probably easier said than done. Essentially we know love is unbounded, yet we experience love as isolated, limited to a person or object or being, coupled with the experience of pain and disappointment but not happiness. The cultivation of self-love could be your first step on your tantric journey. This might trigger an image of longhaired, OM chanting and tree hugging hippies in floral pants, but in essence self-love is essential for our overall physical, mental and emotional wellbeing.

Here are a few things you can do to cultivate self-love:

• Plan a weekly date with yourself where you have a warm bath before going to bed or a sensual Ayurvedic self-massage with warm, floral-scented oil.
• Activate your energetic body by paying attention to how light self-touch can bring you pleasure. By pleasure, I don’t necessarily mean erotic or sexual pleasure but more so healing and nurturing pleasure.
• Cultivate the practice of increased self-awareness: pay attention to how you feel, acknowledge these feelings, positive or negative but try to avoid the mind going into the if’s but’s how’s and why’s. Simply be present of how you feel use your breath in locating the feeling in your body, e.g. does it make your heart expand or shrink, do you feel restriction in your throat, or is there a knot like feeling in your solar plexus region.
• Start listening to your gut feelings.
• Be compassionate with yourself and practice forgiveness for things that you might not be so proud of.
• Treat yourself with kindness. In the next article, I will further explore how Tantra can be a means towards a more fulfilling relationship.