Apparently, my driving is Gay!

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I took a colleague with me the other night and dropped him off home as it was on my way.

Today I overheard him talking with others and he described my driving as “gay”! I felt compelled to challenge him. You see I was not out at work, but using the term gay in a derogatory way just makes the small hairs on the back of my neck stand up; I think my upper lip curls to a snarl too.

It would appear my adherence to the speed limit and signalling was the reason for terming my driving as “Gay” or ‘like a woman.’

He went on in front of his young friends to tell me all about the advances of modern technology and how quick a car could brake. One of his friends has a ‘souped up’ hatchback (I actually think it has spoilers, skirts, fancy wheels and a big shiny exhaust; but a standard engine) and he has taken the same colleague home. He boasted how he could easily take two to three minutes off my time.

I will never be a hero, well except in the bedroom, and even then my days of coming off the wardrobe in a cape are behind me. Ever the more so, as middle-aged spread makes me as aerodynamic as a brick!

I said it to them, “I will never be a hero, but I do know common sense. I agree there have been significant advances with cars, but humans are just as fragile as they were at the start of the age of the car. I may never save a life, but the way I drive could mean; I will never take a life.

I have a better chance of stopping should a child run out in front of me. Heaven forbid I should run a child over; they would have a greater chance of survival with a low-speed impact. Just for your information by the way I am gay too, proud of it and my driving.”

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Perhaps I have got past the dick measuring stage and penis/car substitution, after all at my time of life its size has as much to do with the weather as any other stimulus!

About the author: Tom Driver

Disillusioned and back in the closet man who likes other men.

Strongly opinionated, possibly outdated. Genuine, cynical, candid and consider I have a humourous outlook.

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Older than acceptable in Gay circles, larger of frame than is fashionably desirable.

Looking for a platform to share my views and listen to others