Tango used to be a dance, then it was a drink and now, it's word to describe some of the worst tans in town.

Tango used to be a dance, then it was a drink and now, it’s word to describe some of the worst tans in town.

So here at THEGAYUK we’ve tried the best and the worst – the good and the bad. We’ve been shades of professional bodybuilders and shades of wallpaper from the 70s. Here are our top choices.

Sunkissed Gradual Lotion

Smells like holiday, tans like you’ve been on one too. Sunkissed is an inexpensive fake tan that gives a healthy bronzed glow in two to four hours. It’s packed with vitamin E and nourishing shea butter, so it’s easy to use this as a night cream – you can wake up looking refreshed and with a glowing visage. Perfect. Just £4.95 on Amazon


St. Tropez

No fake tan review would be complete without the ever-present St Tropez. The tanning system that revolutionised the fake tan. It was the first tanning lotion that actually gave you the colour of holiday and not the colour of several E numbers.

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There are several steps to the perfect St. Tropez tan, but let’s face it how many people actually use steps 1 and 2? My advice is stick to the moose and make sure you’re not flaky before applying.

One of the problems is the drying time – which is lengthy, so I used to do it before I went to bed, usually to wake up with brownish stains on my bedding. Never attractive. Available from under £8 on Amazon.


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I know what you’re thinking, the man’s gone mad, but bear with me! This was a little gem I found when I was a student all those years ago, back in the days when I was dancing and prancing. Cheap – check, tan colour – check, easy application – check. Streaks when sweating – surprisingly resistant!

No tricks just old fashion slap it on fake tan. Tesco’s proves you don’t need to spend over £30 in order to get a good colour. In fact, you don’t need to spend a tenth of that! From all the tans I’ve ever ended up using – the Tesco own fake tan, was always the one that got me compliments – and as we know – every little helps.

Don’t forget to use a fake tan mitt. It will keep your fingers from looking like carrots and will help create an even finish to the tan on your face. You’ll need to change the mitt every three to six months as it will start to disintegrate. Also, don’t forget to give it a rinse every so often to keep it clean.

About the author: Jake Hook
The editor and chief of THEGAYUK. All in a previous life wrote and produced songs on multi-platinum records.