20 Amazing Things About Being Single
With the Valentine’s nuts going crazy for the impending day of “love” we reflect on why it’s great to be single.
1) I don’t have to worry about you want to eat.
Tonight I want tacos. You want spaghetti… Tachetti it is then… Damn compromising.
2) My bed, my farts.
I don’t have to worry about trumping in bed. Hurrah. Trump trump trump.
3) My remote.
Ha ha ha! Netflix and chill has a whole new meaning for me.
4) Self loving.
I know exactly what gets me off and I ain’t afraid to do it.
5) Time to think
We’re all time poor and being alone gives me time to spend doing things that I wouldn’t otherwise get the chance to.
6) Dates, dates and more dates
Nothing like a bit of date night and the expectation of that first kiss
7) My cat is the only relationship I need
My cat loves me unconditionally… sometimes.
8) I get to keep up with who’s who on Grindr.
Yep. Even though I’m single I see so much peen. So much peen.
9) There’s literally no one to tell me that I shouldn’t drink anymore.
10) I don’t have to sleep on that one slither of bed
Or deal with stolen duvet all night.
11) I cannot be cheated on.
No broken hearts for me.
12) I can listen to all my coupled mates harp on about their woes and partner troubles and think.
Thank f that ain’t me
13) Life is one sexabout.
Like picking apples from the tree. I’m out testing the orchard and having a lot of fun on the way.
14) I can have a threesome
and be the one to walk away
15) I have a tonne of horrying date night stories for my friends.
I’m literally a walking standup show with my tales.
16) I can relax.
No one is going to come in half way through my House Of Cards marathon and start blathering on about their day
17) I don’t have clear my browser’s history.
“The internet is for porn”
18) I never have to see a movie with Lindsay Lohan in it ever again.
Wednesday’s we wear vomit.
19) Every outing is an opportunity to meet new guys…
It’s a big world out there.