Being a black coffee drinker and red wine guzzler, one’s smile isn’t always as sparkly white as a Royal Doulton china dinner set. Over the years I’ve tried various different ways to keep my gnashers looking as close to Simon Cowell’s as possible.

I’ve given every brand of whitening toothpaste a bash but with no noticeable results.

For an instant result, laser whitening works. I went through this process about four years ago. The dentist covers your gums and lips to protect them. Then applies Zoom whitening gel to your fangs and sticks a laser in your gob. The Zoom whitening laser light and gel work together to penetrate the surface layers of your teeth to remove stains and discolouration, it should last a year.

If you have sensitive teeth like I do it’s not the most comfortable way to spend 45mins. Sporadically it felt as though someone was sticking a pin into one of my teeth and piercing through to the nerve. My teeth did look about three to four shades lighter afterwards. But at £495 a pop, laser isn’t for every bank balance.

My dentist also made moulds of my ivories to make whitening trays, so I could continue using the Zoom whitening gel and maintain my youthful smile. But the hydrogen peroxide contained in the gel gave me electric-like-shocks, even hours after using them. All for the bargain price of £250 for the trays and three syringes of gel.

Not having used the Zoom gel for over two years, I jumped at the opportunity to test Diamond Whites (DW) home whitening kit. I was introduced to Charlotte from DW and my first question to her: ‘is the process painful?’. Charlotte assured me DW’s kit is pain-free.

The Home Whitening Kit comes with two whitening syringes, 1 mouth tray, 1 activator spray, 1 whitening pen and toothpaste – all of which costs under £40. I was also given an LED light which are sold separately.

The instructions tell you to keep to a white diet while you’re whitening, which I did as much as possible.

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First up on DW’s instructions: mould the mouth tray to your teeth by placing the trays in hot water for 20 seconds to soften. Then place the softened trays around your not-so-pearly-whites and bite for a further 20 secs to create a mould of your teeth. Great idea but about as effective as Labour’s last manifesto. I was left with a slight bite mark at the bottom of both trays. I used the trays my dentist made.

Next, spray the activator spray on a dry toothbrush and brush your dentures for 30 secs.

Step three, similarly to the Zoom, syringe about 1-2ml of the DW gel into the trays then place in your north-and-south for 20-30 mins with the LED light. The light is supposed to accelerate the whitening process. It looks and feels like you’ve an oversized dummy wedged in ya chops, but on the plus side no pain.

After said time you remove all the mouth-clutter a brush with DW toothpaste. I put this into practice for one week. I’m not blinding people with my smile, but there is a noticeable difference. Some of that difference does seem to wear off by the end of the day. My teeth are shinier and a tad whiter.

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The Whitening Pen is for touch ups and is about as useful as the DW mouth trays.

The moral of this story: no pain, no gain.

About the author: Thabian Sutherland
I’ve lived in the Old Smoke since 1999 with a career in fashion, fitness and events. I discovered the joys of writing beginning of 2014. Since then I’ve been tapping digits to keys. Subjects include food, theatre, exhibitions, London life and other topics that tickle my taste-buds. Other publications include Timeout, Gay Times and So So Gay Magazine.