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Not Cumming Out – Delayed Ejaculation

Guys have it hard. Or at least when sex isn’t explosive life can get a bit challenging. Physical intimacy, including penetration, is so enjoyable but when something goes wrong then it can really go wrong.

You cum too quickly. You can’t get it up. You get it up but it goes down again. You meet a guy you fancy but can’t figure out if he is top or bottom. Then it turns out that you both want the same and neither are prepared to try the other position. He wants to do something you haven’t heard of much less tried.

But all of the above are more or less well known about. And you’d probably be able to find a mate to talk about it. But there is one sexual issue that remains in the closet – delayed ejaculation (DE). DE is exactly what it says on the label. You have great difficulty in cumming. But why on earth is that a problem? It must be great to be able to shag for hours and not cum. To be able to take on one guy after another. Actually, it’s not all that it’s cut out to be.

Our fundamental sexual desire is to ejaculate – to spread our seeds. If we don’t achieve that or it takes too long to do so we can get depressed. If we’re in and out of a hole for too long both our cock and partner will get sore. And the likelihood is that he has already cum, maybe even twice. If that’s the case he may begin to feel that there is something wrong with him. Or you begin to think that there is something fundamentally wrong with your techniques and wonder why you can never cum with a guy who really turns you on. In fact DE can cause considerable anxiety, distress and loss of sexual confidence.

It is estimated that between 2 to 10 percent of men can suffer DE at some time of their lives and there seems to be a trend of it happening more as you get older. It has also been recently observed in men who watch a lot of porn. This could be because you are used to the stimulation that your hand gives or it may be because you are ‘trained’ to react to screen pictures. Because this isn’t a common disorder there is little research on the issue and so practitioners struggle to understand the issues and to help those affected.

There are believed to be a number of potential causes. Some men have always suffered from DE from puberty. This can mean that they think it normal until they come upon a partner who questions their sexual abilities. DE may be tied in with a strict upbringing, a family who didn’t talk about sex and men who control their lives for a number of reasons but there could be an issue around sexuality acceptance.

The second type of DE is situation induced. You can be happy squirting your spunk everywhere and then you suddenly find you can’t. There could be a number of reasons. For example how a partner makes you feel; stress at work; fear of penetrating either the anus or a mouth or something happened to you while you were having sex.

Can it be cured? That depends. In general yes it can be helped but it could mean that you have to retrain your sexual techniques. You may even have to abstain from sex for a period of time including wanking off. The best thing to do is talk either to your GP if you think you have a problem or a counsellor.

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But whatever you do don’t suffer alone. Finding out that you are not the only one with delayed ejaculation is the first step. Accepting that you have a problem is the next. And doing something about it could change your life. Don’t worry GPs and therapists know about delayed ejaculation – you are not alone. Cum out and tell someone.

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by Owen Redahan

 


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