THEGAYUK

Tag: Sexplainer

All the latest sex advice for the gay and LGBT+ community.

  • If fingering your butt hurts, here’s what you need to do

    If fingering your butt hurts, here’s what you need to do

    If it hurts your butt when you get fingered, you should read on.

    The ass is pretty darn resilient and there’s a pleasure to be had from anal sex, but there are a few golden rules to make sure you keep safe and reduce pain.

    Hello Lube, my friend.

    via GIPHY

    Use a good amount of lube and have a towel handy that you can wipe your hands, as it can get quite messy. **That** scene in Brokeback Mountain – as hot as it looks, is just not that realistic. A bit of spit and shove isn’t going to cut it. Use a good lube – and there are a few to choose from on the market. You might find that you get on with some better than others. Try the trial or travel sizes until you find the perfect lube.

    Time goes by… Slowly.

    via GIPHY

    One of the most misleading things about porn is that you can’t just stick it in – and that includes fingers. You need to take it gradually. You could start off with a bit of rimming and then move on to a finger – then if that feels good maybe two. Don’t just go for it. You will cause yourself a lot of pain.

    One finger, two finger, three

    via GIPHY

    You could do a bit of prep yourself before sex. Perhaps while you’re in the shower – or if you douche you could get your butt used to the feeling of a finger or two up there before you get down with your partner. Using warm water to douche could help you relax as well.

    Cut those damn nails.

    via GIPHY

    You say that it hurts after fingering, are your boyfriend’s fingernails ragged? If he’s got claws that a Gruffalo would be proud of it’s time to invest in some nail clippers for him. He may be, unknowingly tearing your insides – which will make the whole experience uncomfortable.

    Smoothly does it

    via GIPHY

    Keep the fingering motion smooth and long and thin (goes right in). He shouldn’t curl up his fingers inside you – this is going to cause discomfort. No vigorous finger jamming like he’s Donald Trump giving a speech.

    You could always try a desensitising spray or lube.

    Does numbing lube actually work?

    Numbing lubes could be the way to know, but make sure you look out for sides for trauma and if you still fill discomfort, stop immediately.

    Anal Training

    Anal trainer

    You could go down the anal training route. There are anal toys that act like dilators, we call them anal trainers. They start from a small and thinner insertable that gently stretches your anus. When you get used to the smallest size you can go to the next size. Each time, take it slowly and use lube. Eventually, you should be able to take the largest toy, without too much discomfort.

    So to recap: take time and use lube.

    If you’re really concerned that there’s something wrong book an appointment to see your GP.

    The advice listed above is not intended to replace or take the place of that of your own doctor, GP or medical professional who knows your full medical history. If in any doubt make an appointment with your doctor as soon as possible.

    *Disclosure links contained in this article point towards our very own shop, this was not a paid placement and there are other shops available.

  • Are there gay cruising grounds in London?

    Are there gay cruising grounds in London?

    Whether you love or loathe the idea of anonymous outdoor gay sex, it’s hard to escape the fact that gay cruising grounds are all around us.

    You probably don’t even know, but from where you’re sitting or standing right now there’s probably a cruising or dogging ground just metres away from you in London, and they’re a hangover from more homophobic times in the UK.

    Gay cruising is not a new phenomenon. It dates back to when sex between men was illegal in the UK. Finding a place where two men could be intimate with each other without too many questions being raised was tricky until it was realised that men’s public toilets were a perfect place.

    These were named cottages because they actually used to look like quaint little cottages.

    The act of finding sex in these public conveniences became known as “cottaging“.

    Are there gay cruising sites in London, UK?

    The sex between men who would frequent a cottage would usually be anonymous. Gloryholes, a hole drilled between stalls in public toilets became a way in which this sex could remain faceless.

    To this day there are loads of cottages and cruising grounds in Central, North London, East London, South London and West London. One of the most famous of these is Hampstead Heath.

    Cottaging and cruising etiquette

    Generally speaking, not a lot of talking goes on when cruising. A series of looks and gestures would let others know what you were up to. At urinals, guys would stand, playing with themselves subtly to let others know that they were up for some play. Then if the feeling is mutual the pair could make their way to a cubicle for more privacy.

    At cruising grounds, much of the same would happen, except the action took place away from public footpaths.

    Is Cottaging Illegal in the UK?

    Cottaging is illegal in the United Kingdom under the Sexual Offences Act 2003 and applies to both heterosexual and homosexual acts.

    The Sexual Offences Act 2003 doesn’t say however that sex in a public place is illegal. Cruising grounds and cottaging are two different spaces. Cruising grounds are defined as open spaces, where men can hook up with men, or straight couples can meet for sex (often referred to as dogging), as long as no members of the public can see you.

    You risk being arrested if reported by a member of the public. If this happens you have the right to legal advice from an on-duty solicitor at the police station. If convicted you could be sentenced to 6 months in prison and /or a fine.

    Check out our safety tips for hooking up and meeting with new guys.

  • TOPS AND BOTTOMS and… But what do you call a guy who isn’t into penetration?

    TOPS AND BOTTOMS and… But what do you call a guy who isn’t into penetration?

    Not into topping. Not into bottoming? What are those guys called?

    What does side mean with gay men
    (C) BIGSTOCK

    There’s a relatively new term for guys who don’t like having anal sex. Yep, guys who aren’t into topping or bottoming. Some are identifying themselves as “sides”.

    Although the term itself is not getting the love it might deserve. As the LGBT+ community expands and adds more identities shouldn’t Sides be getting the recognition they warrant?

    There’s a lot of emphases on anal sex in the gay, bi and curious community. Editor of THEGAYUK.com, Jake Hook says, “We are in a world where we’re expected to make instant proclamations on what we’re into. There’s a lot of pressure to define yourself as one or the other and the assumption that sex has to end up with penetration. Where does that assumption come from?

    “First on the list is gay porn. All scenes tend to end up in anal sex. It’s become the standard.

    “Secondly, the apps we used often ask us to pigeonhole ourselves into tribes including whether we’re tops, bottoms or vers.

    “Thirdly, penetration is the world’s goto sex act – and it’s pretty heteronormative. In media we constantly see people going at it. One moment they are kissing the next he’s whipping off his trousers and she’s hitching her skirt. Straight to the penetration, without too much discussion about the other types of sex you can have.”

    So who or what is a side?

    (C) BIGSTOCK

    It’s a guy who’s not into anal sex of any type instead he’ll be into kissing, hugging, oral and other types of sexual activity. Also, guys who cannot have anal sex might be considered a side. For instance, those who have had prostate surgery may not be able to have penetrative sex. It doesn’t mean that sex stops. It changes as prostate cancer campaigner Martin Wells told us.

    So what are the other types of sex you can have without penetration?

    There’s a whole world of sex that doesn’t end up with P in A action. Mutual masturbation, cock2cock frot, frottage, scissoring, oral, rimming, digital penetration, tantric, toy play, role play. Take your pick. All of those can end up with one or both of you climaxing, without the need to put a dick in an ass.

    Where does the term “side” come from?

    It appears that the term “side” was coined by Joe Kort Ph D in an article written for Huffington Post. Unfortunately, the author doesn’t explain the reason behind the word.

    Defining Sideism he said, “Sides prefer to kiss, hug and engage in oral sex, rimming, mutual masturbation and rubbing up and down on each other, to name just a few of the sexual activities they enjoy. These men enjoy practically every sexual practice aside from anal penetration of any kind. They may have tried it, and even performed it for some time, before they became aware that for them, it was simply not erotic and wasn’t getting any more so”.

  • What’s the best haemorrhoid treatment?

    If you’ve found yourself with haemorrhoids more commonly known as piles here’s the best way to treat them.

    What's the best haemorrhoid treatment?

    Suffering from piles when you’re a bottom or even a power bottom could spell disaster for your sex life. But even if you don’t have anal sex, then piles can be a real pain in the arse (pun unfortunately intended). The fact is that piles or haemorrhoids are a fact of life for many people.

    Piles are caused by swollen veins in the anus. They can be caused by straining when going to the toilet (number two), mainly during constipation or sitting on the loo for too long.

    Many people don’t even know they have them – because they can occur inside your rectum – where you can’t see them.

    When they come out your bottom, that’s when they can become a bit of a problem.

    What's the best haemorrhoid treatment?

    Does anal sex cause piles?

    But before we go on, let’s clear one thing up, they aren’t caused by having anal sex.

    Jose Perez de la Cruz, a Public Health Practitioner at the Terrence Higgins Trust told us, “anal sex has the potential to inflame pre-existing haemorrhoids (piles), though research shows that it does not cause them in the first place. So long as the piles are not actively bleeding or painful at the time of intercourse then it is probably safe to have sex”.

    What’s the best way to cure haemorrhoids?

    If you’ve got piles, here are some tips on how to get rid of them.

    Sex

    Firstly, you should probably take a break from receptive anal sex if you’ve got piles. Firstly, depending on how bad your haemorrhoids are, they may burst and cause bloody sheets and lost of blood and could be quite painful. Secondly, if you’re not using condoms and you are not on PrEP, you might be opening yourself up to blood-borne infections and viruses.

    Creams

    The NHS suggests that piles can often clear up by themselves, but there are several treatments that help with discomfort and itching. There are creams and suppositories, which are manually inserted into your arse – which can relieve swelling.

    Jose continues, “I would recommend using Preparation H (under a fiver) or Germoloids (over a fiver) to help control pain and inflammation and to reduce swelling. During sex, it is also important that you use a good water-based lubricant, particularly during acts of multiple people or high-frequency sexual activity as this will reduce the chance of any inflammation being caused.”

    Jose also suggests if the piles don’t clear up after a while that you book an appointment with your doctor to talk options.

    Diet

    Your diet can play a bit role in helping you clear your piles, particularly if you have constipation. The NHS suggests you should increase fibre in your diet. You should also increase the amount of water you’re consuming and avoid caffeine. If you are constipated your GP may prescribe laxatives to help you poop.

    There are also more intrusive medical ways to rid yourself of haemorrhoids and you can read about them on the NHS website.

    The advice listed above is not intended to replace or take the place of that of your own doctor, GP or medical professional who knows your full medical history. If in any doubt make an appointment with your doctor as soon as possible.

    OTHER QUESTIONS: HIV | WILLY WONDERS | HOLES | DOING IT | STIs | LUMPS & BUMPS | BACK TO SEX CLINIC HOME PAGE

    Got a problem you’d like advice on? Click here to ask your question

  • Tops: Have you been guilty of “Nugget Shaming”?

    Tops: Have you been guilty of “Nugget Shaming”?

    Have you heard about nugget shaming? Well, boys, it’s about time we talked about it.

    The terminology might be new but it’s something most bottoms will know. That feeling of dread as your top pulls his dick out of your butt and your lower colon has left a little “gift”, the nugget if you will.

    You see, sometimes we forget, both tops and bottoms, that our booties have more than one use. It’s not just a sexy plaything it’s actually the place were our bodies evacuate the waste from our bodies and it can’t be expected to be 100 percent clean 100 percent of the time – because our bodies are constantly making new poops. It’s nature’s miracle. It’s natural and you can’t stop it, nor should you want to.

    Let’s examine this. Porn tells us, and let’s face it, that’s where we get most of our sex education, thanks to a woefully inadequate sex ed policy, that bottoms must ready 100. At a moment’s notice a bottom might be expected to be able to take a 10 incher immediately, for a 20 to 30-minute pounding and at the end must not expel wind or have any trace of the substance that usually comes out… lest it ruins the atmosphere. That expectation isn’t necessarily disposed upon us by toxic tops, nope, sometimes that expectation is all us – and why wouldn’t it be, in the absence of education, expectation is sometimes all we have.

    Of course, bottoms will have their tricks – half an hour of douching, Immodium, fibre supplements, yes, even the rhythm methods can be used, I’ve even heard of some porn stars eating nothing but fruit and ice for up to two days before a shoot, but ultimately we can never be sure that when you pull your d out of our a’s that it’s not doing to produce a little nugget for you – and maybe we need to be okay with that.

    After all, that’s why we have wipes, towels and showers isn’t it?

    So give your partner a break and don’t shame him if an accident happens.

    We recently asked some tops what they thought of poop incidents, on the whole (pun intended), guys were supportive, but for some, it was a deal breaker.

    Shame really.

  • What is a side? Guys who just who aren’t into bottoming or topping?

    What is a side? Guys who just who aren’t into bottoming or topping?

    Not into topping. Not into bottoming

    What does side mean with gay men
    (C) BIGSTOCK

    There’s a relatively new term for guys who don’t like having anal sex. Yep, guys who aren’t into topping or bottoming. Some are identifying themselves as “sides”.

    Although the term itself is not getting the love it might deserve. As the LGBT+ community expands and adds more identities shouldn’t Sides be getting the recognition they warrant?

    There’s a lot of emphases on anal sex in the gay, bi and curious community. Editor of THEGAYUK.com, Jake Hook says, “We are in a world where we’re expected to make instant proclamations on what we’re into. There’s a lot of pressure to define yourself as one or the other and the assumption that sex has to end up with penetration. Where does that assumption come from?

    “First on the list is gay porn. All scenes tend to end up in anal sex. It’s become the standard.

    “Secondly, the apps we used often ask us to pigeonhole ourselves into tribes including whether we’re tops, bottoms or vers.

    “Thirdly, penetration is the world’s goto sex act – and it’s pretty heteronormative. In media we constantly see people going at it. One moment they are kissing the next he’s whipping off his trousers and she’s hitching her skirt. Straight to the penetration, without too much discussion about the other types of sex you can have.”

    So who or what is a side?

    (C) BIGSTOCK

    It’s a guy who’s not into anal sex of any type instead he’ll be into kissing, hugging, oral and other types of sexual activity. Also, guys who cannot have anal sex might be considered a side. For instance, those who have had prostate surgery may not be able to have penetrative sex. It doesn’t mean that sex stops. It changes as prostate cancer campaigner Martin Wells told us.

    So what are the other types of sex you can have without penetration?

    There’s a whole world of sex that doesn’t end up with P in A action. Mutual masturbation, cock2cock frot, frottage, scissoring, oral, rimming, digital penetration, tantric, toy play, role play. Take your pick. All of those can end up with one or both of you climaxing, without the need to put a dick in an ass.

    Where does the term “side” come from?

    It appears that the term “side” was coined by Joe Kort Ph D in an article written for Huffington Post. Unfortunately, the author doesn’t explain the reason behind the word.

    Defining Sideism he said, “Sides prefer to kiss, hug and engage in oral sex, rimming, mutual masturbation and rubbing up and down on each other, to name just a few of the sexual activities they enjoy. These men enjoy practically every sexual practice aside from anal penetration of any kind. They may have tried it, and even performed it for some time before they became aware that for them, it was simply not erotic and wasn’t getting any more so”.

  • ADVICE | If I can’t handle a finger, how will I manage a dick?

    ADVICE | If I can’t handle a finger, how will I manage a dick?

    A reader asks advice on whether he’ll ever be able to have anal sex, especially as he finds it uncomfortable fingering himself.

    (C) BIGSTOCK

    Dear TGUK

    I find it quite uncomfortable when fingering myself and i get sore from it. I actually want to try being a bottom but since I can’t handle fingering I don’t think I could do it with another person, what do you think I should do?

    Ty, 18

    Dear Ty

    Everyone’s ass is different and so is its ability to take various sized objects. Barring any medical reason, like anal fissures or piles it sounds as though you just need time and practice. As you’re quite young, the odds of you having fissures or piles is quite slim, but not impossible. If in any doubt you should definitely book to see your GP or visit to a sexual health clinic, who will be able to give you a sexual health check and you can discuss any issues you have.

    In your letter, you didn’t mention whether you use lubrication when you try and finger yourself. If not, you should invest in some lube – but if you’re not in a situation where you can buy lube there are alternatives. There are, however, some liquids you shouldn’t use as a lubricant – these include body lotions and shampoo as these will irritate and potentially make your insides feel like the gates of hell.

    If you can’t get hold of proper lube, it’s best to use a natural, unperfumed oily liquid. When you’re just by yourself there are a number of lube substitutes around the home that you can use, like olive oil, coconut oil, vaseline and aloe vera gel – none of these are good to use during sex with a condom. They will destroy the integrity of the condom. Always use a lube designed for condom usage.

    Also, make sure you cut your nails and smooth them off. It’s important not to have jagged nails as you could catch your insides and cause a tear or rip internally.

    Time is your friend

    The trick with taking anything larger than a finger is time and patience and you should communicate that with anyone you have sex with. Don’t feel rushed into taking the D before you’re ready.

    A word to the wise, it probably will hurt the first time you bottom for someone – and the chances are that you won’t be able to take it for very long either, but with time and practice (either by yourself or with a partner) you will be able to take it for longer and longer.

    Most guys can’t bottom for that long – even though porn can make it seem that they’re taking dick for hours at a time. It’s just one of those unrealistic expectations that gay porn has given us! Most guys cum within minutes of starting penetrative sex, a study found that men can last anywhere from 1 minute to 10 minutes, so you don’t need to be an ass athlete. You can always ask your topper to stop as well. Your body your rules.

    Practice Makes Perfect

    By yourself, after one finger, there are two fingers. Some people may want to try experimenting with various fruits and vegs, but there are some issues with using anything that doesn’t have a flared end. Without the splayed bottom it could disappear up inside you and that’s where problems can really begin. Ideally, you should try and buy a dildo or butt plug designed for ass play.

    Take your time

    There’s no rush – and when it comes to the actual sex take your time. If you’ve got time to prepare, you might want to douche (where you use water to get rid of poop in your anal canal and rectum) and lots of foreplay. Yes, get your guy to rim you and play and finger your butt.

    The advice listed above is not intended to replace or take the place of that of your own doctor, GP or medical professional who knows your full medical history. If in any doubt make an appointment with your doctor as soon as possible.

    Have you got a sexual or emotional dilemma you’d like us to answer? Click here to send us a message.

  • This is why your penis has started to curve and what you can do about it

    This is why your penis has started to curve and what you can do about it

    Willies come in all shapes and sizes – and not just length and girth, some of them have curves.

    Why has my penis curved?
    CREDIT: Depositphotos

    Let’s start this whole conversation off by saying, every penis is precious and beautiful. This is a safe space for dicks – no matter what you’re packing. What you have is normal and if you think about it, pretty darn incredible, what with the erections that happen all by themselves and morning glories, what are they all about? So, if your penis starts to curve or perhaps you’ve always had one –  is there anything you can do about it?

    We asked the experts at  AXA PPP healthcare what a curving penis meant and whether it was normal, here’s what they told us,

    “About 5 percent of men over the age of 50 will develop a condition of the penis called Peyronie’s disease. This is a benign but potentially emotionally upsetting condition in which scar tissue develops on the shaft of the penis sometimes resulting in a penile bend noticeable with erections.

    “This can lead to sexual dysfunction with in some cases the affected man avoiding a sexual relationship altogether”.

    So is it dangerous?

    Apparently, some men will find erections and sex painful if Peyronie’s disease happens to them. Some those will simply notice a lump of their shaft.

    Unfortunately, there’s no real cure for Peyronie. However, you should go and see your doctor for a full assessment.

    The NHS’s website notes: “Various non-surgical treatments are available, including medicines and injections of steroids into the affected area. But there’s limited evidence of their effectiveness”.

    Surgery could also be an option, the NHS suggests, “In severe cases, it may be possible to treat Peyronie’s disease with surgery. But doctors recommend waiting at least 12 months before considering surgery, as the condition can improve without treatment in some men”.

     

    To see what Peyronie’s disease can look like, click here.

  • Do gay men need to wear tampons?

    Do gay men need to wear tampons?

    There are so many questions that people have, especially when their information comes through the grapevine. So rather than letting myth turn to fact, we’ll answer them for you.

    Do gay men need to wear tampons or adult diapers? Where to begin. Do you mean receptive gay men? I.e. Bottoms? Because you know it’s not just gay men who bottom. Ever heard of pegging?

    So the question is more likely to be: “Do people who have anal sex need to wear tampons?” And the answer is nope. Not if you’re doing it right. Yes, there is a right and a wrong way of having anal sex. Misinformation and myths like this can lead to the idea that you can tell if a guy is straight or gay by giving him an anal examination. This sometimes happens in countries where homosexuality is illegal.

    We’ve all heard the story of the guy that had anal sex so much that he couldn’t control his bowels and so he needed to wear a tampon to stop the poop. Whether this guy actually existed we’ll never know, maybe he did. But guys who are having regular receptive sex shouldn’t have any issues in controlling their bodily functions.

    What is regular anal sex?

    do gay men have to wear tampons after anal sex

    So what is “regular anal sex”, well it’s important to know two things about up-the-butt sex. Time and Lube are your friends. In fact, they’re best buds.

    One of the most important muscles is your external sphincter. It like the main ring. It’s a powerful muscle that stops stuff from getting out (and in) but like any muscle, it can be damaged (and even better strengthened).

    This and the lining of the rectum are delicate and if you’re too rough or haven’t prepared yourself properly, well you can cause yourself damage, which is why it’s important to communicate how you’re feeling with your “top”.

    Doctor Rick Viney, a consultant urological surgeon at BMI The Priory and BMI Edgbaston hospitals in Birmingham, told us that “Rapidly and forcefully overstretching the anus can tear the anal sphincter which can result in the need for surgical repair. The sphincter can be gently dilated over a short period of time using devices like a plug or a gradual increase in the number of fingers inserted.”

    The butt, will after dilation return to its normal size shortly after sex. If you’ve done something more extreme, like fisting, it may take a longer time to go back to normal.

    But what if you have lots and lots of anal sex.

    Well, regularly having anal sex isn’t really enough for you to need you to wear a tampon. Naturally, if you’re having a lot of sex, you might find your hole does become looser, but you shouldn’t lose control altogether.

    If you do find yourself or feel that you’ve become looser, there are exercises that can help you retain a tight ring. The NHS recommends a series of exercises. In one they suggest engaging your muscles like you are trying to stop a fart. They write,

    “Try squeezing and lifting that muscle as tightly as you can, as if you are worried that you are about to leak. Your buttocks, tummy and legs should not move much at all. You should be aware of the skin around the back passage tightening and being pulled up and away from the chair. Really try to feel this. You are now exercising your anal sphincter”.

    There’s a way of holding that feeling for as long as you can. Like imaging that your sphincter muscle is a lift and that you’re taking it to the fourth floor and holding it while the passengers get out and then back down again.

    If you can’t go to the fourth, try the 2nd!

    You get the idea.

    The best thing about exercising these muscles is that you don’t need an expensive gym membership or even proper work out clothes. You can do them in your car at the traffic lights or on your way to work on the train. No one will know. Unless you turn to your fellow passenger and tell them. We suggest you don’t do this. It might freak them the F out.

  • Will having anal sex cause anal cancer?

    Nothing makes us happier than healthy bottoms… So here’s what you need to know about anal sex and what might cause it.

    does anal sex cause anal cancer?
    Healthy bottoms are happy bottoms

    Anal cancer, although rare, is still a killer disease if it’s not caught in time, but the act of anal sex will not cause cancer, Dr Rick Viney, consultant urological surgeon at BMI The Priory and BMI Edgbaston hospitals in Birmingham told us.

    In fact, less than 1200 people are diagnosed with anal cancer in the UK every year.

    Apparently what you need to look out for is for the transmission of HPV, the virus responsible for genital warts. “The virus responsible for genital warts (HPV) can ultimately lead to the development of a type of anal, penile, cervical and oral cancers called squamous cancer, Rick warns.

    HPV is the name for a group of viruses that affect the skin and moist membranes lining the body such as the cervix, anus, mouth and throat. HPV infections are highly contagious when transmitted sexually.

    Some strains of the HPV virus can cause genital warts, and cancers of the anus, penis, mouth and throat. In some cases, it can also cause head and neck cancer.

    In the UK, teenage girls are offered the HPV vaccine to prevent cervical cancer. There is no plan to vaccinate teenage boys. However, in 2016, 40,000 gay and bisexual men were offered the HPV vaccine to ward against contracting HPV.

    What else can cause anal cancer? Well the NHS website suggests that smoking can be a cause and having a weakened immune system, for example, if you have HIV could also be a cause. For women, cancer history also plays a part. If you’ve had cervical, vaginal or vulval cancer could be cause for concern.

    What are the symptoms of anal cancer?

    What are the symptoms of anal cancer?
    Symptoms for anal cancer are very similar to other, less serious conditions. If you’re worried about your bottom’s health, go see a doctor.

    Anal cancer can be symptomless and the symptoms that can occur can be similar to less serious conditions like piles and anal fissures.

    According to the NHS website, these include: bleeding from the anus, an itchy or painful bottom, small lumps around the anus, a mucus discharge or loss of bowel control.

    If you have any concerns, as always, we suggest you consult your doctor.

  • 50+ dating terms every gay guy needs to know

    50+ dating terms every gay guy needs to know

    You’re checking out his dating profile and suddenly you come across an acronym you’ve not heard before… we’re here to help you navigate the shorthand world of gay hookups.

    420

    This is all about pot and the smoking thereof. This guy is probably into smoking weed. So if you see someone who has 420 written in their profile this is what it means!

    Alevels

    A-Levels. This all about anal sex… and the willingness to do it. Don

    Age Play

    Age Play is about the guys who like to age up or age down. Guys who take part in age play might like to wear nappies/diapers – or go the other extreme and use Zimmer frames

    ASL

    Before pictures and GPS on apps, it was common to start a chat conversation with ASL, which means Age, Sex Location. Thanks to smartphones and gay dating apps, location and sex are pretty much-taken care of, however, you might still need to ask his age, if that kind of thing is important to you.

    ATM

    Ass to mouth. Yep, penis in butt and then in your mouth. Nothing to do with cash machines.

    BTM / BOTTOM

    You might be asked whether you’re a top or Bottom. “Bottoms” or “Vers bottoms” are guys who generally take or receive the D. They are the ones who get penetrated. Tops or Vers Tops are the ones who do the penetrating. Vers are those guys who like it both ways. Guys who don’t like penetrative sex are called “sides”.

    BDSM

    BDSM is the broader term for bondage, dominance, discipline, submission, sadism and masochism. He likes whips, chains and all sorts of sub and dom play.

    BB / Bareback

    This is anal sex without the use of condoms. Previously Bareback / BB sex was seen as extremely risky, however, due to the invention and availability of PrEP, bareback sex is safer from an HIV point of view, however, BB sex can lead to other sexually transmitted diseases, such as chlamydia, gonorrhoea and syphilis.

    BBC

    Potentially offensive, so use with caution, but it derives from porn which has black men with big cocks.

    Bear

    Bears are guys who are generally thicker and hairier – a bit like a bear. There’s a whole community and they even have their own flag. How well do you know your pride flags? Take our quiz here.

    Bondage

    Part of the BDSM world. This is about being tied up – and not in an officey, phone-call type of “tied up”. Actual ropes or straps can be used – or failing that his tie or even electric cords. It’s all good.

    Boy Next Door, BND

    BNDs are younger guys who are a typical build, height and looks. They may be geeky or they may be jocky. Check out their pictures for more details.

    BS

    As in not into bullshit.

    Candle Play

    Some guys love the feel of candle wax dripping on their nipples/chest/stomach/cock.

    CBT

    Cock and Ball Torture. Some guys are into having their junk tortured and there’s a whole host of toys out there to help you out if that is your thing. They could include chastity devices, which makes it impossible to touch your D or even ejaculate.

    Chemsex

    Chemsex is where drugs and sex come together, which isn’t always a good idea, especially as some drugs can make a person take risks that they wouldn’t normally take sober.

    Cut / Uncut

    Cut is for those guys who don’t have a foreskin, whilst uncut is for guys who are still intact. Across Europe, most guys are still intact, whereas in North America many guys are circumcised. Of course, some religious people are circumcised such as Jewish and Muslim men.

    Chastity

    Chastity is abstaining from sex and sexual contact.

    Daddy

    Where to start, some guys love the daddy mantle some guys HATE IT, so be careful before you ascribe “Daddy” to someone. Generally, guys over the age of 40 could be considered “daddies”.

    Discreet

    This guy might not be out or maybe in a relationship with another person so therefore discretion is everything to him. Usually you’ll see something like “DL” in his profile.

    Dirty

    This guy goes beyond the dirty mind. He likes actual dirt, like urine or poop. This isn’t for everyone. Guys who like watersports might use WS to indicate their preference on dating apps.

    Dom / Dominant

    This doesn’t have to mean topping during anal sex, a bottom can be dominant too. It means that this guy is one who likes to take charge.

    DP

    Double penetration. Yes, that’s two cocks up your bum. Not for the faint-hearted and probably only for someone who is experienced. He’ll probably need quite a bit of prep time.

    Edging

    Edging is where you play with your dick but then stop just before you bust a load. Some guys can do this for hours. Ultimately leaves you very horny – and potentially giving you a crazy big money shot.

    E play/ Stim / Electrical Play

    Plugin and plug up. This guy likes electrocution, but don’t be licking any plug sockets. This will be low-voltage play.

    FF

    This is all about Fisting. Either just run of mill fisting or fist fucking. You can let guys know whether you’re active (the one doing the fisting) or passive (the one being fisted).

    Flogging

    Whips do it for this guy. He likes to be flogged – which means whipped.

    FWB

    Friends with benefits. It’s when you don’t go the whole hog and become boyfriends, but buddies who suck each other off… now and then… or all the time.

    Hanky Code

    Back in the olden days, guys used to display their sexual preference with hankies hanging out the back of their pockets. There was an entire colour-coded system which let people know what you were into, from Vanilla to full-on fisting. Check out the list here.

    HMU

    This simply means, Hit Me Up – as in give him a call or a message.

    HNH.

    The first H stands for Horny, the second stands for High – so this is probably a guy who likes to have sex whilst high on pot.

    GGG

    Good Giving and Game. This is for sexually evolved guys who know that being a good lay means that everyone is happy.

    GPS

    Some apps use GPS to display your location and how far other guys are from you. Grindr became known as the first gay dating app which successfully used GPS locating, bringing local guy after local guy to your yard. Modern technology huh!

    JO

    Means Jerk off, not a typical British English way of saying, wanking or masturbation – mutual or otherwise.

    Limits

    Do you know yours? This about knowing what your sexual limits are and communicating them to your potential partner.

    MMF

    Basically a bisexual threesome, with two guys and one gal.

    Neg on PrEP

    This means that since his last test, this guy is HIV negative and is on PrEP meaning that you can have bareback sex with a greatly reduced risk of contracting HIV.

    NSA

    No strings attached, not the National Security Agency.

    Poz / Positive and undetectable

    This guy is letting you know that he has HIV but is on anti-HIV medication. People living with HIV who are on treatment for 6 months and with an undetectable viral load can’t pass on HIV to an unprotected partner.

    Otter

    A guy who is hairy, but slimmer than a bear or a cub. He may have the appearance of an otter when wet… apparently.

    S&M also written S/M 

    Sadomasochism This guy gets pleasure from giving or receiving pain or humiliation.

    PnP

    This stands for Party and Play – generally speaking drugs play a part in this guy’s sexual activity. Sometimes also referred to as chemsex. Make sure you keep safe during PnP often drugs can make people take risks with their sexual health, due to lowered inhibitions.

    Piss

    This guy is into watersports and not the sort that you can do on the ocean. He’ll be into guys pissing on him or him pissing on you. Either way, if you’re not into the urine thing, you might want to make this known at the start. This is part of the “dirty” community who like to play with body fluids that aren’t salvia or cum.

    S2R

    Send to receive. He’s basically saying you got send some picture his way if you want some of his. Could be face, cock or ass pics. You might need to be specific.

    Side

    Guys who don’t like or do anal sex are sometimes referred to as “sides“. If he has this in his profile he probably doesn’t identify as a top or a bottom.

    Sub / Submissive

    This doesn’t have to mean bottoming or anything to do with penetrative sex, it’s guys who like to be dominated during sex.

    Switch

    A Switch is one who likes both being dom and sub and switching it up.

    SSC

    Safe, Sane and Consensual

    Slave / Master

    This guy is looking for you to fill a role, the slave (submissive) or the master (dominant). Which will you go you for?

    Safeword

    When things are getting a bit freaky in the bedroom it’s good to know there’s a “safe word” that one of you can use to make sure whatever is happening comes to a full stop.

    Top

    This is the guy who does the penetrating, i.e. puts his dick in the other guy’s butt. Guys who don’t like being tops or bottoms are called “sides”. They’re into BJs (blow jobs), mutual masturbation and frottage (rubbing yourself against others).

    Twink

    This is a type of guy defined by his lack of body and facial hair, slim body and youthful appearance – think Bel Ami porn boys and that’s pretty much a Twink.

    UEqualsU

    Undetectable Equals Untransferable. It means that a guy with HIV who has an undetectable viral load cannot transfer the HIV virus to you. Being undetectable happens when someone is managing their HIV with antiretroviral drugs.

    Vers

    A vers guy is a versatile guy, this means that he likes anal sex both ways, topping and bottoming. Although he might have an overall preference, like Ver Top or Ver Bottom. It’s pretty self-explanatory.

    WS / Watersports

    This guy is into pissing on you or having you piss on him. This is part of the “dirty” community who like to play with body fluids that aren’t salvia or cum.

    Looking for a new gay chat site to join? Check out our very own social network for gay and bi guys just like you

    Have we missed any out? Let us know in the comments below.

    ** This article has been amended from its original to update information on PrEP.